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Monday, July 25, 2011

God made my children cute so I would not eat them...

I suppose the most interesting things occurred during winter. We've run on the same propane tank since Spring- well... sprung. And I've been cooking almost every night! I've learned to turn off the air conditioner when I use the microwave. If I don't, the power shuts off. Details, details. I also know that when I perform that series of operations that the temperature in the house goes from comfortable to right below boiling in about thirty-three seconds. Needless to say it's better to microwave at night.
Our new vaccuum is kicking a$$ and taking names, though our pet hair is definitely giving it a run for its money. Is it wrong to vaccuum the dog?
The kids have learned a new way to grate on my nerve (I'm down to one). They wrestle in bed at night before sleep and pull their curtain off the wall. It's most aggravating- both the wrestling and the curtain thing. The kids have also leaned on the dining table so much that it permanently leans to one side now. So heaven forbid a pea escapes off a plate, cause it's going down! I also have learned that my child will need to poop at the precise moment that I'm in the shower. I don't understand why this is, though part of me thinks he likes to ruin my shower with stink.
The cat made another great escape the other night. There's bigger cats than her in these woods behind our home, and she has no front claws. I truly do not think she thoroughly thinks things through. She's yet to encounter one, but it's only a matter of time.
I'm happy to report that those are the only things of consequence I am able to write about. It's been fairly quiet around here. Perhaps summertime truly is the best season to "go RVing" after all!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry, and never believe a mirror...

I gave up wanting to be rich and famous and have settled for being comfortable and unknown. I think it's a quality one gains with age. It has been an entire month since I have had the opportunity to sit and take down any humorous occurances that have happened, so let us see if that aging brain can recollect what has transpired.
I broke the blinds. Mind you, it was only a matter of time. See, camper blinds are two-shaded. You must first pull down the bar that brings down the room lightening shade, and then you must pull down the bar that moves the room darkening shade. When you pull them simultaneously, a fissure opens in the universe and emits a signal that forces the rope holding the shades onto the wall to snap and the shades to break. Something about Murphy and his laws, I believe. Whatever. All I know is that it was a numerical absolute "only a matter of time" that I would break one or more of the shades in the Puma. So there. Even my husband had nothing smart-a$$ to say when he came home and I openly admitted my blunder. I think he was more shocked it took this long.
 The cat made an escape the other night. I believe she has meticulously watched every night as the dog is let out his final time and the steps TJ takes to do so and found her perfect timing to dart out the door as he did. Unfortunately for her she made her grand escape on a night of thunderstorms, so I imagine she sat under the camper cursing the gods that she was able to foil her captors and make her run during such a fitful night. Anyway, the dog barked the next morning to alert us she was patiently waiting on the top step to be let back inside. She's yet to attempt a second run for the hills.
I love red kool-aid. Actually it's the Wal-mart Great Value brand cherry flavored drink, but it's delicious. I, however, am not consice enough at pouring or drinking this delictable red nectar of the gods and continuously spill it on the floor, the counter, and the inside of the refrigerator. Why oh why can they not make this drink clear? Clear drinks are not just for children!
I think it should be noted that I have been forced to buy yet another vacuum. This time it is an upright version of a "pet friendly" vacuum, and it seems to be incredible. It snatches up hair and dirt like nobody's business and I love it. I do fear for the day it meets its untimely demise, which if anyone is keeping count should be in roughtly two months, eighteen days, and nine minutes. Buy your vacuum stocks now (that's an insider tip!)
Our camper exterior is taking on the alluring tone of a zebra. For some reason camper's get a lovely black soot that rolls down top to bottom in dazzling vertical stripes that really look silly on anything other than zebras. RVs are not zebras. Are you seeing the conundrum? But there is a wonderful cleaner that can be purchased at RV supply stores for the low low price of "insanely expensive" that makes us reconsider the fashion value of animal print for our home.
Well folks, that is all my geriatric-heading brain can recall at this precise moment. Perhaps time will again afford itself for more frolicking tales of "normalcy!"