Don't ever mistake kindness for weakess...

My hopes were that for each place we get to live that we take in as much of the area and sights as possible. I'd say for living in Huntsville for 8 months, we've done pretty good so far. We visited the Cathedral Caverns back in the Spring, the Botanical Gardens a few times, the Space Center, the Museum of Art (for yoga, and that would be only me), and today- the Safari. Yes, I said Safari. A drive-thru adventure where wildlife literally invites itself into your car. I fought with a deer to keep possession of the feeding plastic cup I was given; he tugged, I tugged, we tugged, he won. An Alpaca who wanted to enjoy some of the, um, whatever food the people gave us to feed them was kicked by a Shetland pony who had decided the food was solely for him. He eventually made his way window to window, and along with slobbering yes- they do spit, he did receive a cupful of (apparently) delicious treats. We fed a camel, mini-horses, deer, sheep, bulls, tortoises, and emus. Lots of emus, and very aggressive are these animals. All in all much laughter was had and, to be honest, it was better than an average zoo and one thing I never considered I would experience in North Alabama.

Apparently it was a good thing we moved from North Carolina, as Hurricane Irene made her way along the Eastern seaboard starting yesterday. I'm pretty certain that an RV would not fare so well in a hurricane, though as my husband says, "our house has wheels, we can just move." Better not to chance it though. There was also an earthquake in Virginia a few days ago. But if your home has no foundation, there's nothing to crack!

This morning the husband warmed up the oven to make breakfast. As he pulled the oven door open, the handle fell off. And to get it back on properly we must disassemble the entire oven door to get to the place where the screw can be re-affixed into the handle! As I write this I am looking over at it, hanging limply on one side, and thinking how in the he$! did that come loose!?!? Unbelievable. What's more unbelievable is that when it broke, I wasn't the one doing the pulling!

I never panic when I get lost, I just change where it is I want to go....

We have a saying around our house: “Well, if this whole EOD thing doesn’t work out….(insert random ideas here).” So far the endings to that sentence have been: you could always open a restaurant; you could always run a gentleman’s club; you could always open a maid service (cough, cough, giggle); we could always open an RV park. See? It’s that last one that has kept me awake at night. Because though I took that statement as a fleeting idea, he hasn’t let it go.  I’ve seen schematics, been shown property locations, the works. In all my life, I never would have attributed “RV park manager” to my resume or life’s pursuit.  Just another notch in the belt of life in camperville. Lord, please let this EOD thing work out!

We have begun to make preparations for another chapter in this adventure. We have to relocate to another state, so the move will be a two act play. First, the husband takes the truck and bike trailer and heads to the new state as an advance party (or “advon” to you military savvy’s), leaving a wife, two children, a dog/teenager, and two cats behind at the wheeled fortress to man the base operations. Should everything go as planned (again, cough, cough, giggle), part one will require patience, understanding, and a case of wine. Now, once the “scout” completes his initial recon, he will return at a later date to assume command of the family and act two will commence. Act two is where the General, that would be me (because really, that’s just how it is), assumes her nervous breakdown. We are going to pull this 42 foot camper across the East Coast and it will be the first time we’ve been responsible for such a long haul with the camper. The husband had made mention that at some point I would be driving the truck and pulling the camper, and I think I spit my drink out of my nose. Seriously. Has he forgotten how poor of a driver I am? In my little car/crossover/whatever? It’s only what, ten feet long? And I can’t even park that correctly. Does he seriously think I’m ever going to assume the responsibility for the massive twenty car pileup that would inevitably ensue on the interstate because he decided to let me pull the camper? I think not. That would be like asking a deaf-mute to sing the Star Spangled Banner at Yankee Stadium for opening day; or asking Magnus von Magnusson to dance the lead in Swan Lake. Nothing really great could come from it is all I’m saying.

I was informed before I left for work today that my husband’s agenda included bathing the dog, cleaning out the cat room/storage room, and some other things that didn’t register in my brain. I was gone for four and a half hours, and the kids were with me. When we came home this evening he was working hard, had made a pizza (frozen, not from scratch; white, no marinara because of my tomato allergy- hahaha, God),  and had pulled everything out from that back room and strewn it all over the kids’ room and living room. That’s about 8X4 feet of space littered with crap. The dog had yet to be bathed. The room was far from “cleaned.” My point here is that a woman’s plan and course of action for a given task is far different from a man’s. 

In our years together we’ve had to move several times; that’s just how it is in the Marine Corps and you learn to be flexible. You make friends, usually military, and you know the time together is limited though sometimes you meet again. If we’d had a crystal ball we would have lived our RV life sooner, but again, hindsight…This is the first time that a move is going to impact me in a way I never thought. Huntsville, believe it or not, is truly a perfect place- for me, anyway. Yes, the weather is tumultuous at best; brutal at worst. But with rain comes rainbows, and I suppose to get the beautiful landscapes a few storms must fall. The people here are truly special, because they are friendly, loving, kind, and fun. If I had my way we would live here forever, and I laugh because I never would have thought I would desire to spend my life in Alabama. It’s just a really great place, and I’m sad to go….

Get all the fools on your side and you can get elected to anthing...

Had I been smarter, I would have had the back toilet removed and placed a washer/dryer instead. The toilet in there has been used not once except to hold boxes, while a washer would have earned its keep ten fold. You know what they say about hindsight.

My nine pound cat has made it her mission to disrupt each night's sleep until one of us is dead I believe. She has taken turns laying on our faces, only to be launched across the room. Honestly, that cat has seen more air time than Tony Hawk's skateboards. She lays on the pillow and purrs. All night. I did not request a vibrating pillow. I would remember something like that. While I'm on the subject, this cat also licks the blinds. Licks them. Why? Ugh, so disgusting.

There are a finite number of showers that can be taken before the shower floor fills with water. Apparently 2.3 showers can be enjoyed before the lines must be drained is the best I've figured it. I have also learned that someone in this house will need to perform a less than stellar-smelling bathroom activity seven seconds before I am due to shower/put on makeup/fix my hair. Normally the announcement involves a smallish person tearing a$$ through the camper announcing loudly, "I GOTTA GO POOP," occasionally holding onto their bum. On the other occasions a not so smallish person simply locks themself in the facility, no announcement necessary.

The dog likes to sleep in during the morning hours. Seriously. He lays in front of the drawers that I certainly have to open and pretends like he doesn't see that I need to be where he is. You call his name, nothing. Punk. Ask him if he needs to go outside, nada. It's like having a four legged teenager.

My husband is off work this week. As I look around I see toys, blankets, and other odds and ends strewn about. It's like a mini-hurricane crossed through. And guess what, I'm not cleaning it up....

Okay. I give. Off to clean up the mess.....

Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at...

No matter how flexible one tries to be, no matter how readily you can adjust, change is permanent. I don't like change, which is amusing considering my home has wheels. Last fall I put our couch on LYS and three days later, when it was sold, sat in the middle of my living room and had a meltdown. I do not like change. A dear friend laughed years ago when I began my life's change and said, "oooh, Misses 'does not like change' is not gonna like change!" She was right. Which leads many to ask why I married a man in the military. Because. 'Cause sometimes forces are out of your control! But I digress...

I get to man the "fort" on my own for a while. I'm getting a laundry list of things to do, and another list of what to do if and when those things go wrong. This can't end well. I suppose the good news is that it is neither tornado season nor snow season. Perhaps the fall shall be peaceful, though I can only hope.

I recently had to fill out a form for my son's school. We had to identify our dwelling situation: home, apartment,or transient...other. Checking "transient" and "other" should draw a few questions. What else could I have said?

Earlier on during this adventure I had the husband WD40 cabinet doors so that the ever-loving squeaking would stop. Apparenly that is not an end all fix all to a squeaky situation. Our bathroom medicine cabinet opens at decible levels reserved for rap concerts, and that's not a noise one wants to hear at 6 am. Between that and the 22 pound cat giving a dissertation of the night's events upon TJ's waking, mornings have become less than peaceful. Why in the good Lord's name does the cat have to have fresh water from the sink spicket at 6 am when all one really wants to do is relieve one's self at the other facility? I was once told that if you talk to your animals enough that they will learn to "talk" back. What they didn't say was how to get that animal to shut up!

Today I began my quest to become a superb coupon clipper-saver. We stopped by the neighborhood paper machine, bought a Sunday paper, and I settled at the table to clip away. When I discovered the manufacturer's coupons had been removed from my paper, I was upset. I got into the car, drove to the gas station and (after letting the clerk know how I felt) opened the paper machine for a proper paper. I filed through the papers in the machine to find none of the five had any coupons. Boy was I hot. Who does that? Takes all the coupons from the papers?! I have to believe that the Huntsville Times simply did not include manufacturer's coupons in this week's edition. Otherwise, really? Is the economy that bad that someone took them out of every paper?! Hmph.

We had the pleasure of having a grownup night out Friday night. A lovely daughter of one of my favorite client's agreed to sit for us. I explained our current living situation and watched the mother's face register an "excuse me?" look, only to hastily explain the unique joy we experience here in camperville. I don't truly know how our sitter felt, only that she inquired, "are you ever going to live in a house again?" as we approached. We stayed out until 11:30 and began our short drive home. At midnight I was close to sleep, and Saturday I awoke in a fog. When did this happen? When did I become unable to function as a human being if I don't get to sleep by 10:30? When on Earth did my adult curfew become dark-thirty?! I can remember a time when I consistently watched the sun rise before my head hit the pillow. Nowadays I consistently watch the sun rise as I greet the day! Adulthood, schmulthood. Take my checkbook and wrinkles and give me fourth grade recess again, please!!!

Maybe I'm going about this right after all. Maybe since at such a "young" (cough cough, laugh) age we are living with retirees in RV's, perhaps I'll get a second youth? Or, more likely, maybe I'll just be better at Bingo and cross-stitch. You never know....

Going to church doesn't make people Christian any more than standing in a garage makes them a car...

I'm guessing that today's title will get some fuses lit, but I'll get to that later...

I'm watching a gorgeous color of steel gray approach from the west. At least I think it's the west, it could be north or south. I'm never quite certain. It concerns me only because I hand washed a load of laundry in my kitchen sink today that is outside attempting to dry on the line, and a thunderstorm will definitely hinder that progress. I hand washed laundry for three reasons. The first reason is I'm tired of spending at least one afternoon a week at a laundromat that is either in full surround sound Spanish or the other one which is many miles from my house. Second, there is one washer and one dryer here at the campground but a particular woman in a different lot has taken it upon herself to tie up those machines every single day with her laundry and God only knows how a family living in an RV can make so much laundry that it has to be washed every single day. If by chance the machines are open it is later in the afternoons when I don't have too much time to be schlepping back and forth because I have to work. And the third and final reason (for now anyway) is because my wrist was just beginning to heal and I felt the need to reinjure myself wringing out an entire load of soaking wet chothes. See? Now that I've vented I feel better.

I had the joy of attempting to enroll my five year old in Kindergarted recently. It was only by the kindheartedness of the office staff at the nearby Elementary School which allowed me to enroll this child without a lease or mortgage or somethingorother. So, much to this little boy's delight Kindergarten did in fact begin this morning. However, midway through the school day I recieved a telephone call informing me that this little man relived his morning breakfast all over the floor in class and could I come pick him up. So the first day of Kindergarten will be attempted in a "take two" on Wednesday. Only to us would this happen to. All I can do is smile.

Okay, I just brought the laundry inside because the always correct weather people just said we're under a "severe thunderstorm warning." Eh, they could be right this time. They were definitely correct a week ago when the "chance of a thunderstorm" turned into hurricane Huntsville and category 4 winds blew without warning nor break for over half an hour. It was madness. At 11:55 pm we were awakened by the trailer being rocked side to side and the snapping of trees at the trunk could be heard all around us. It felt as if the hand of God Himself had reached down from the heavens to wake us up. Luckily our camper inferred no damage, though several sites around us were not so lucky. Who knew deciding to live this lifestyle would come with come with such risk and threat?

I decided that today's title would be a little bold because of living here in the "bible belt." It just seemed to fit some things I've noticed over the course of our stay. Nothing personal  ;)  .