If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip...

It's been a while since I last recounted the "goings ons" of life, and since then the world here in the Tennessee Valley was dealt a very severe blow. I never thought when I began this blog that the weather would become such a key character, yet she very much is. So parts of this section will be sad and some will be humorous. But as my husband said, I can't leave it out.
Even before April 27th showed up on our calendar, the (sometimes correct) weather people were predicting bad weather. I do believe one recount stated, "a week before that week they were predicting a severe weather week." Or something like that. "Severe storms" and "tornado threat" came up once or twice prior to the day. So on Tuesday night as we tucked away to bed I took the internet phone with me and placed it near my head so should there be tornado warnings I could wake up to the alert. At 5:30 that next morning it was indeed raining (thundering, lightening, the works) yet no word from the weather alerts had come through. Kids, dog, and cats were all in bed with us...the dog shaking the whole bed. Such a coward. I got up and turned on the television to see we were indeed under a tornado warning, and then the phone and sirens went off at once. The path looked ominous for our area so I woke the husband and kids and we all got dressed. By the time we had prepared the path of said tornado had shifted so TJ laid back on the couch and went to sleep. I proceeded with my day, already decided that the four year old would stay with me all day. Schools were delayed to start, and I just knew we'd be called in to pick them up if the storms continued. I kept my eye on the weather to try to stay as informed as possible, then we left for the gym as usual. While at the gym the weather alerts continued, and the storm team showed a very dangerous cell moving due east toward us. My boss came to find me, inquiring as to how much longer I planned to work out, and then she remembered what we lived in! So it was decided the kids and I would remain at the gym for safe measure, though the gym is just a large metal shed...not much different from here now that I think of if. Sure enough, as we looked outside we saw clouds spiraling and the warm temperatures were very foreboding. Karrah (being a mother hen) protectively shepherded us into the trainer's room for safety. Well, she tried. A tornado was on the path for us (or as it turned out right down the road) so we bundled into the center of the gym to wait for it to pass. A few of us could not resist going out front to watch the storm form, watching the clouds rope around at dizzying speeds. Finally, after wind, hail, and rain the storm moved on. As it passed through it took down a few trees outside the gym. The coloring in those storms was beautiful, and I feel bad saying so but it is true. During the following lull the kids and I head for home between the cells and I get them settled into my bed for a nap. TJ comes home for the day, and we watch as several more tornadoes are announced between Mississippi/Tennessee/Alabama, just one cell after another with just minutes in between each storm. My friend Kenny sends a text from Jasper, AL telling me of a massive F5 twister that is tearing a path from Tuscaloosa to Birmingham, and of another that decimated Cullman and Arab (both towns were hit with another twister just hours after the first one). If I were a better writer I would have the perfect words for description, but the sky was heavy with dark colors mixed with lightening, thunder, wind and hail and were followed by bouts of sun peeking through. The hubby and I decide that being in a camper is maybe not the safest at this point, so we head to Harvest to a friend's house. We took cowardly dog with us and wished the cats good luck. During the ride over the world turned an eerie green, very fluorescent in color and we watched boards, signs, and other debris spinning in the air in an updraft. I was captivated by the scene, and when we arrived at the Moore's house we heard that a tornado had ripped through Harvest between the Moore's and our gym (where we had just driven through). So that explains the green tint. More and more tornado reports came through the internet phone and on the radio, so we buckled in to ride out the remainder of the storm. We grilled a feast on their grill in the garage (door open during storm breaks), and let the kids play. We lost power about 5 o'clock, and none of our phones worked correctly much after that. We did learn that the tornado sirens had malfunctioned during all the alerts so we were on our own without information. A few phone calls were intermittently received where we were warned of other twisters that were on the ground nearby around us. I am not exaggerating one iota when I say the whole day resembled the movie Twister (life imitating art). We stood outside watching the clouds during rain breaks, but staying indoors as hail pelted outside in various cells. As darkness (and after what we learn to be the last cell) falls, we pile in our car and head home. Harvest is in ruins. No power, destroyed homes, buildings, and gas stations. Downed power lines and an unaccounted loss of life. We pass by a home engulfed in flames, with spotlights shining on it as firefighters douse it with water trying to put out the flames. The entire city of Huntsville is catapulted into total blackness. No traffic lights, no business lights. Nothing. The only sounds to be heard are emergency sirens through the night.
I'm so glad we decided to live in a camper in an area riddled with tornadoes.
The report said something like 244 tornadoes were reported in 24 hours. Over 350 people lost their lives that day. The destruction was total and it was devastating. But the next day the sky was blue. It was as if nothing had happened...unless you looked outside the campground. Ironic isn't it? Who would have thought we would be safer in our little camper than at the house we sought safety in. Our neighbors here in the park said they stood outside and watched the various cells and twisters pass by on either side of town, safe here. No wind or hail damage. It was as if our little corner of the world was protected under a bubble.
We were without power for a total of seven days. I did buy a generator while in Texas (whew! That's a $400 sticker shock we were not prepared for!), so from Sunday evening until yesterday we ran our refrigerator, limited lights, and a fan. I'm so grateful that our refrigerator was basically empty when this happened. Replacing that madness gets pricey! And can I just vent how I'm so glad gas is almost $4 a freaking gallon! And guess what generators run on? Nope, not wishes and hopes...freaking gas! Ugh. At $4 a gallon you really do decide what's important energy wise!!!
I know I joke around about the sirens, the wolf criers, and how we never know what to believe. I do know that even if they only work ten percent of the time, at least that is something. But seriously, malfunctioning on the biggest event of their existence?!" It's like when professional football players fumble the ball or miss a field goal kick. Seriously?! It's their ONLY JOB!!! It frustrates me. Guess it's a good thing I don't coach sports... Or predict weather... Or build weather sirens...
I took my kids to Texas for a week and came back on Sunday. My husband said the house would be clean, though to be honest it was a bit of a wreck. I thought perhaps a twister had come through the inside of our camper. In his defense I guess it is hard to vacuum with no electricity, though that's the only reason I'm letting it slide! The boys really didn't understand why the adults were all freaked out last Wednesday, and they were running around the gym saying, "it's the tormadoes!" Leave it to children to make us smile.
TJ asked, "I wonder if that weather guy was here that day." I said, "Who? Jim Cantore?" You know, that's a really good question...
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To all my friends and fellow rats from the gym I am so thankful for your safety and I pray for your sanity and good humor as well as mine...
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(Side note: For anyone who doesn't know, Jim Cantore of the Weather Channel shows up in the worst weather locations. He has for years! If a hurricane is even remotely predicted, wherever he goes is where will get the hardest! People hold up signs saying "Go away Jim!" and "Not here Jim!" Snowfalls will be the largest wherever he reports from...It's amusing...)

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness...

The dog managed to jump in to "swim" in what can only be described as the sewage dump. I'm not sure if that's what it was, but he stunk very much bad. So he got shaved and bathed...he was not happy. Serves him right, dumb a** dog! You would think an animal with "smell superior to humans" would know not to jump in stinky water! Eh?
The kids got haircuts as well today, it's a good thing they are little and don't know a good haircut from a less than good one. It's cheaper for me to do it, good or bad!
Tomorrow is Easter. Since the kids are always with me, they were there for the Easter shopping. I told them that parents had to buy the plastic eggs and then call the Easter bunny to come pick them up and bring them back Easter morning filled. My husband noted that I said something very similar about Santa. Oh well. What are you gonna do? I still cannot put together how Easter got paired with a rabbit that brings eggs. Eggs? Really? Genius....
The park we are currently staying at has a 30 amp setup, and our camper is setup for a 50 amp. We thought we would have to be savvy about what electrical items we used and when, but for the last couple of weeks we've had no problems. Well, until today. 1 pm: husband notes, "I'm surprised we haven't had any issues with this only being 30 amps." Fast forward three hours and I overloaded the circuit (TV, microwave, other items running at once) and tripped the breaker. That's what he gets for saying it out loud!
Well, it's Saturday night and we are in "jammies" at 6 pm. What party animals we have become! Until further amusing things happen, I bid you adieu....

The greater the value of the rug, the greater chance that the cat will throw up on it...

The bird poop was washed off during the storm. TJ lucked out. He said he needed to get up on the roof and clean the whole camper off; I think he was just waiting for the rain. But I could be wrong.
So today I have to go buy another vacuum. My suggestion to everyone is to buy stock in vacuum companies. Hoover, Bissell, buy them all. It's an insider trading tip from me. Because the rate I alone go through them is enough to make us all rich. I'm an equal opportunity destroyer! Our floors have accumulated crap for a few days now, and it's getting to me.The cat threw up on TJ's side of the bench at the table. I cleaned it up, but he's currently on a "need to know" status with household goings-ons.... It was only a matter of time til it happened anyway...
Last night as I lay in bed awaiting sleep I heard a loud noise next to us. It was an engine, that much I was certain of. What I could not pinpoint was whether we were getting a new neighbor or a spaceship was landing outside. I just couldn't be sure of which it was- it was that loud...Turned out to be a large motor home that I feel quite sure the owner did some fancy tweaking to the engine to make it sound that way. Have I mentioned it was exceptionally loud? Though now that I think about it, having a spaceship land next door would have made for a way better story.
There was another thunderstorm last night, and thus we got very little sleep due to the sheer amount of bodies in the bed. I'm surprised the slide out has not wilted more than it has so far. There's easily 450 pounds of person/animals/fur on that bed at any given time in these storms.
Well, the children have woken from their naps and I must make my daily pilgrimage to Walmart...

If crying doesn't help, try violent mood swings...

We have a skylight over the shower. It really opens that three by four space right up. The problem is that a bird recently pooped on it, and I'm afraid of heights and will not go up and clean it. My camper responsibility falls to everything inside the walls while the husband is responsible for all things outside. But I foresee the bird poop bugging me faster than it will bug him, and the timetable for cleaning it for him will thus take longer than it would if oh say I want it done. It's the marriage laws of physics.
We have a twenty pound cat who really likes fresh water. He really does weigh that much, I wish I was joking. As long as I've had this cat he has jumped up on the bathroom counter and begged for the faucet to be turned on. He really likes fresh water, enough to not mind that it pours down on the top of his head while he drinks. We thought that would change living in the camper, seeing how the edge of the sink is less than two inches in diameter. Nope. He jumps his fat a** right on up there and begs for water. It defies both the laws of physics and gravity. I have no idea how he does it. He also eats toilet paper. But that's a whole other issue....
We thankfully learned that we can pick up a handful of channels for the TV through the antenna. However, for some reason our living room set has given up several of those channels...I do not know why.. But I do know that now the kids spend more time in my bed watching cartoons. I guess I should be happy we have any stations at all.
It's going to rain again tomorrow. What they are actually predicting is "tornado outbreaks" for our area. Surely, surely, this apocalyptic weather has to be nearing its end. (I had to talk about the weather again, my posts just wouldn't be the same if I didn't.)
Well, I am off to my first day of "work." Time to "make the donuts...."

Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets...

It's raining again. Thunder, lightening, mud, the works. I'm ordering pontoons for the camper soon. As I look out the window right now it is still doing all those previously mentioned things, yet it is impossibly green outside. Not just the trees and grass, but the lighting! It's very, very green!....Maybe beer number three was an overstep....
We had to buy a duvet cover today. It was less than cheap, but necessary. Essentially all a duvet consists of is two sheets sewn together at three sides with buttons on the fourth. Why does it cost so much? It's a sham. Which, ironically, were two useless items (pillow shams) contained in our duvet purchase. The purchase of the duvet came at the behest of the husband spurred on by the cowardly dog leaping onto our bed this morning at 5:45 am with the first clap of thunder. Followed moments later by the three year old.
I'm sensing a pattern.
There was a break in the storms for a bit this afternoon where the father let the children go outside. Cut to twenty minutes later where both children are covered in mud...along with the dog. Ah, therein lies the reason for beer numero uno....
There are no actual tornado sirens here at this campground. I suppose that's ok. We have internet and cell phones. What I do feel a bit bad for is the park security who must go door to door in the event of a warning or other emergency. These things happen in rain and wind. That can't be fun. And our new tornado "shelter" is quite far away. Although, now that I think on it, it would force me to drive to said shelter. Thus, alleviating the aforementioned "oops" wherein I managed to get myself and the kids/dog stranded in rain without transportation. Right?
I was informed by an official "Alabamian" that the four seasons of the state are as follows: football season, hunting season, tornado season, and summer. That wasn't on the rotary club's pamphlet either. It's the little things you learn in life that keep you going.
My children are currently watching "Tom and Jerry," which they love. And I'm realizing how much my cat looks like "Tom." Well, a cross between Tom and a great white shark. There's no story there, just something I felt like sharing.
Well, I'm turning in for the night. The rain isn't letting up and the steady sound on the roof is becoming a lullaby for sleep...zzzzz.....

A man's go to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't...

Somehow we have moved to a beautiful area that has the worst of weather. It has freezing temperatures, snow, and ice in the winters. It has tornadoes, violent wind, thunderstorms with lightening and rain in the springtime. I think I remember the Bible stating that the next season was plagues and locusts. Or something like that.
Yes, before you ask, I'm about to discuss the weather further. Buckle up.
Yesterday was not particularly pretty nor was it stormy. For a while. It had some dark gray clouds, but the weather icon on the phone spoke nothing of a storm. As afternoon sank into early evening we noticed darker clouds rolling in, and we assumed it would rain. As we are grocery shopping in the ever-interesting-people infused retailer called Wal-Mart we heard the heavens open up and noticed that a thunderstorm had indeed passed over us. But as we checked out, all that remained were some dark clouds and sparse lightening. As we pulled into the campsite, however, we met a different sight. There were branches, limbs, and full trees down in the RV park. Our rocking chair (yes, we are 80 year old retired people apparently) was flipped over, but no real damage. One massive (Oak? Pine? Who knows) was pulled up from the roots and thrown across the road thirty feet from our home. Another was down not too far from that! And these were not dying or sickly trees. They were beautiful, green, and healthy. Where had this violent wind come from?! Surely there would have been an alert on the phone! Or at least a glimpse of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Now that I think back, security has gone door to door in the campground and informed us we were under a "tornado warning." But you know how I believe those anymore. Huh. Go figure. While we retained no damage other than about 750,000 leaves clinging to our camper, our neighbor was not so fortunate- they had failed to retract their awning and the wind ripped it off their camper. Good thing we brought ours in as the rain had begun to fall.
Okay. Enough of the weather.
I get to clean our carpets in a little while. We had to break down and buy a Little Green Machine steam cleaner because somebody's Golden Retriever had three poo accidents in less than 36 hours on our living area carpet. Why the carpet? Can someone explain that to me? There is perfectly good hard flooring two inches away for crying out loud! If he absolutely has to poop in the house, use there!!! Why the carpet?!? So now I get to crawl around and steam clean it in hopes that it comes clean.
I just spent half an hour outside picking up limbs and branches, sweeping the area in front of the camper, and removing leaves and debris from the outside of the RV. That's what I call...well, I'll call it a man's job for intents and purposes here- though anyone who truly knows me knows what I really call those kinds of jobs! I told my husband I had done it, and he said, "well last night I put the clean sheets on the bed and that's a woman's job, so we're even." Not hardly.
Daddy bought little man a new pair of dinosaur sunglasses last night. We got them home, even had possession of said glasses at breakfast this morning. Somehow between 8:00 breakfast and 8:43 out the door, the glasses were stolen by what I can only assume to be the camper troll and taken to his magical kingdom. The glasses are gone. I've scoured the camper and still cannot find them. This house is the size of a cracker box! Where else could they have gone?!? I guess maybe the camper troll is related to the dryer gnome and one day we will find out where they take all the socks and glasses. I can only hope....

The person who said "anything is possible" never tried to nail jell-o to a tree...

We make decisions everyday. What to eat, what to wear, who to strangle. Things like that. It's inevitable. One thing, surprisingly though, I do not regret is the decision to live in our RV. Though that decision has been tested and tried as of late. If you'll take note it's been several weeks (not days) since I've been able to post. Many, many a thing has happened since then though the catalyst for no postings was a severe thunderstorm that lasted three days and knocked out the campground internet for weeks. Now, normally that wouldn't be a problem but as for me it soon became on. Being how I started grad school and it is entirely online certainly poses a problem if no "online" exists. So back to the thunderstorms. We found out that both of our children and our retriever are scared of thunder. Who knew? One particularly loud clap that Friday night sent both boys screaming into our room which were followed by a shaking bed- that being the dog whom we could have named Coward. And this lovely interlude of bed buddies persisted for three nights. On the third night we nestled in (kid free) hoping for the best, only to hear "boom boom" as we shut of the TV for the night. I heard in the dark as my husband asked, "really?" So the week wears on, no sign of internet in sight, we settled in to endure the overcast skies and watch television. Somehow I feel like I'm forgetting something important in this time period, but at my age the best I can do is "hope" it comes back to me.
The tornado sirens have gone off twice since my last post. One particular time was late afternoon and I did in fact heed the warning. But only if I'd been smart about it. The siren sounds, I wake the three year old from his nap, slap shoes on both boys feet and the leash on the dog and trod to the wash house. The storm rolls in, yet again no tornado, but with it comes nasty rain, thunder, wind and hail. And guess who walked instead of driving to the safe area without a second thought of how to return? This girl. So we waited until the husband got home from work to come rescue us from our "safety." Sometimes my head is really just a hat rack.
On the same day as the previous incident happened I got a text stating that we were paid up for our RV lot until that Saturday, and that there were no more spaces available meaning we had to move. A moment of panic. Move where? I had not thought of a contingency plan to this little exercise. So in a panic I call around and discover that the Rocket and Space Center has an RV park. So four days ago we enlisted the help of a friend with a truck who could pull our camper and relocated to our new site. The downside is that this particular camp has no cable and no laundry facility that can do more than one load at a time. It's great. Really. Rustic. Yes, rustic is the word I shall use. So in our new rustic location we are now without television, luckily have purchased our own internet (and are now at the behest of AT&T), and get to do more things outside. With the bugs. Asa loves bugs, remember? He's so happy.
My husband also let my two young children flounder in mud puddles while I was taking an exam at a testing center which is only a problem because I have no laundry facility handy. Nice. So their muddy attire is in a bag awaiting transport to some facility where my nerves shall be tested and frayed while I wash and dry our clothes while wrangling the children to behave. It's good. It's good. No really.
Last night the husband spent the night away from home. So as a treat I let the boys sleep in our bed and watch a movie. It was hot, so I turned on the a/c. Or thought I did. What I actually turned on was the heat but since there is no heating element in the actual unit all we got was warm air. I was hot all night and could not for the life of me figure out why. But in my brilliant mind I didn't think to look up and make sure I'd turned on the a/c. Nope. It took the husband coming home this morning and pointing out my doofus mistake to make me realize again that sometimes the hair dye goes all way past the roots. 
One final note. Our new campsite is under a canopy of trees. It's lovely. Though those leaves are along the ground and they love both human and dog feet to catch rides from. And because of that we have vacuumed three three times so far today. Yes I said today. And all I can think of to say is thank goodness our electricity is included in our lot rent and not separate.