House guarded by gun three days a week. Guess which three days...

One year ago today we moved into this life. Five years ago tomorrow we said "I do." What the heck was I thinking those years in between?! I learned that I can live in a space normally reserved for hamsters and guinea pigs. I learned that I can take a shower in a space and pace reserved for prisons. I know that walls with no insulation will freeze when the outside temperature drops, and that when you touch it in sleep it will send you up and awake at a very fast rate. I know that, believe it or not, tornadoes are not attracted to all types of trailers. Just mobile homes. Not RVs. And I know that any time you say "it won't"... it will. I have learned that I can drive below the speed limit staring at the same rearend of a camper for two solid days with a car full of kids and cats and not lose my mind, though I woefully request not to do so again. I also know that this last year was actually filled with fun, laughter, and adventure. How many times in life can we say that we took on a crazy challenge and survived?
I must admit that I am ready for a foundation-style life again. I am ready for a door that has handles (and locks), I am ready for a large closet. I will miss my very comfy bed. Who would have thought that the master bedroom bed in a camper could become the most comfortable bed I've ever had? It's a cave. And I love my cave.
I want a dishwasher.
I think my quest in this adventure is complete. I've broken a myriad of items: grates, cabinets, blinds, drawers. The list is long and distinguished. The bull in the china closet is ready for space...

What you want and what you get are often two different things...

It is cold and rainy outside. My spidey-sense tells me that the comfortable days of fall are past and nasty winter is on deck. Of course, my spidey-sense once told me to play the lottery. I didn’t win, so it’s proof that it’s been wrong before. I raked the leaves on Monday that had fallen and formed a nice carpet around the camper (because dead leaves are a fire hazard and fate is one thing campers -aka, matchboxes- do not need to tempt). I raked another round of leaves again on Tuesday. On Wednesday it looked as if I had not raked at all. Perhaps I should have waited until all leaves had made their escape to the ground before pursuing raking. Lesson learned.

The microwave is still broken. Perhaps it will get replaced this weekend. Don’t hold me to that.

The dog took off running across the campground and dove into the pond. It’s November. The pond is cold. So as he came home shivering (his fault, not mine) and smelling disgusting, I treated him to a nice ice bath/shower from the hose outside (again, his fault, not mine). Hopefully that won’t happen again. Don’t hold me to that either. And don’t tell PETA. Lord knows what evil names they’ll give me.

I recently found our extended warranty for the camper. It covers many of the things that I, or someone else, has broken. For example, the microwave, refrigerator, faucets, all covered by warranty. I did not see anything about the grates on the floor being covered. But it states that “normal wear and tear” is not covered. What constitutes “normal wear and tear?” Whose decision is that? I would like to argue that me pulling the cabinet doors off the hinges while opening them is not “normal.” Is that covered or do I just have brute strength? Just a question. However, I have deduced that by the time I get the “warranty” work on the microwave done it will be cheaper for me to just replace it myself.  Which should be this weekend….

Criminal (n): a person with predatory instincts, lacking sufficient capital to form a corporation.

I raked the yard on Monday. I put the leaves into piles around the camper. I raked again on Tuesday. I made each pile larger. Today is Friday and there is a plush carpet of leaves surrounding the camper mocking my attempt at raking. Perhaps I should have waited until all the leaves had fallen. I guess that is one thing you don't really learn living in Florida.
I should add that the microwave is still broken. Perhaps it will get replaced this weekend. Do not hold me to that.
For some reason our water smells heavily of sulphur. Rotten eggs dart up my nose every time I wash the dishes. The husband is aware of the problem and has made valiant effort to put it on his fix it "to do" list  fix. Perhaps it will get fixed this weekend. Do not hold me to that as well.

Procrastination prompts creativity...

The microwave is still dead. I called the company about it, but they need the original bill of sale in order to process the warranty. I completely understand, however the original sales receipt is in the bike trailer an hour away from here and if my calculations are correct then the time taken to drive and dig inside the trailer then return home and call, combined with the gas said trip would take, factoring in the gas and time it will take to bring the microwave in to whatever warranty work service center they determine and the time that will take to complete all adds up to it's probably cheaper to just go and buy another microwave and install it instead. But those are just my initial calculations.
I paid our first electric bill for this campsite. It was....wait for it....$32.98. Wow, impressive. The manager thought perhaps our meter was off because it was so low to which I said, "Heck no it's not! I've sweated my a$$ off for it to be that low!" Maybe a bit meladromatic, but hey! Just another example of the greed that has consumed our world.
My husband commented yesterday how impressed he is that we do not eat out very often and how many leftovers we've had lately. My response was that it was only because he moved us into BFE and that there are no restaurants nearby for us to visit. It's literally thirty minutes to the nearest form of civilization, and by the time he gets home at night I just do not feel like traveling. Wow, am I getting old.
The issue with one toilet/bathroom is rearing its ugly head. With all four persons now toilet trained (mostly), it is inevitable that more than one person will need the facility at the same time. I'm sending them outdoors if at all possible. Just because you've moved up North doesn't mean you left "redneck" behind.
We have a new enemy here at Casa de Gypsy: the Afids. They are brown, crawly, and everywhere. I have no idea how they get in, but they do. They cling to the outside screens, which is kind of fun to flick or blow them off. But when they get in my house, it's a whole other ballgame. There was one in my pants leg the other day. I've never jumped out of my clothes so fast before. Good thing I was at the house at the time.  Teaches me to hang dry clothes outdoors. I suppose I should be grateful it was not a spider. Why in the world do I have to cats if they refuse to earn their keep and keep these irritants out?
My poor microwave. It's face is blank, free of those informative green numbers. It's literally like a black hole gaping above the stove. Now where did I put that number....

The new math: Information retention divided at double speed when added to one mother times (x) children...

I forget a lot now. I mean I was never savvy at the who memory thing, but at least I was smart. Before my children existed I was quite the thinker. Now I can only hope to remember where my shoes are, nevermind where my cell phone (that is always on vibrate) is located. It amazes me that our home, which has successfully been divided into a quarter the size it once was, can mysteriously hide anything I absolutely need to find. Maybe it's an epidemic. My husband is suffering the same ailment. Come to think of it, so are the kids. "Where are your shoes?" "I don't know." How, pray tell, can one not know where their shoes are in a house the size of a jello box? These are shoes, not atoms! But I digress.
Winter is approaching. We have been forced to use the heater on more than one occassion. The arrival of winter shall bring once again my nemesis: humidity. Steamy windows and sliding doors, if anyone let their mind wonder they could think all sorts of untoward things were going on in the ol' camper. No no, just me cooking. Or hanging clothes to dry. Or breathing...
Our microwave died. It's not even a year old and it decided that working for us was too much to bear and that it could no longer go on living. I need to dig out the warranty paperwork, but it is such a pain in the a$$...
I also still need to change our address in an "official" capacity, but that hasn't happened either.
There is a mini golf course at this RV park, which we finally went to play. One child bent down to retrive his ball at the exact moment his brother decided to putt his ball down the green. Needless to say there were tears and bruising, but no blood or lost teeth. I'd like to think the little one did it by accident, but I am beginning to know better...Albeit the hard way, the older brother learned not to put his head near the business end of a golf club...more to follow...
I feel like I'm forgetting something, something that I needed to do....Oh yes! Off to pick the child up from school, stay tuned!!!

Narcissism at its finest....

The Ultimate Pair of Narcissists

Dear Mother Nature:
I understand that, as a woman, you are flighty and feel the need to change moods at the drop of a hat. While I certainly sympathize with your plight, it would be greatly appreciated if once in a while you would not oh, let's say make it rain or drop fifty degrees on days we have motorcycle events scheduled. Icy wind in my nostrils, or rain bullets to the face, do not make my day enjoyable. I would also like to know that if I turn my heater on at night that it will not suddenly warm to 80 degrees at two am causing me to melt into my sheets. It would also be tremendously acceptable for you to figure out in the morning if you are going to change from one season to another rather than run the gamut of all four seasons between the hours of 8 am and 5 pm (and please only change to one season at a time). Again, female to female, I do not begrudge your list of duties day to day. I just would like for once to dress appropriately at all points during the day rather than fill my car with potential weather gear which alas, seems to be anywhere from swimsuits to snowshoes lately.
Very humbly yours,
A Weather-Weary Wife

Dear Father Time:
I am requesting time off for good behavior. During this time of recesss I request less lines etching themselves into my face and fewer age spots to make an appearance on my ever-elasticity losing skin. I am asking that the gray hair that replaces my once brown (okay, bleached blonde) strands take shorter strides in their jump to be seen as it is costing me more and more money at the hair salon to hide. I cannot continue to sink money into cosmetics which promise to aid my war against you and your minions who are increasingly outnumbering me in the battle. I'm beginning to reconcile that I will eventually lose this war. I understand that at present I live in a camper and normally people who do this are of, let's say, a more golden age. I, however, am not yet of the AARP variety and would greatly like to enjoy the last remaining minutes of my youth if at all possible. So please have a chat with your cousin Gravity and discuss the possibility of loosening his grip on my parts and allow them at least a fighting chance at remaining taught until the very last conceivable moment. I would also like to request a leave of absence in my battle of the bulge- I'm hungry and rice cakes don't cut it.
I appreciate your time and attention to this matter.
All the best,
A Moderately Managing Mommy

The shortest distance between two points is under construction...

I thought about how to make today's entry applicable to being in a camper, and I successfully determined how...
As we were preparing to leave Huntsville we received terrible news: there was a death of someone we loved very much, and at some point we would be traveling to Florida for the services. It was my first encounter with death as related to a motorcycle accident, and it indeed hit very close to home.
Thursday morning found me in the car, loaded with kids and a dog, heading to Baltimore to make a "kiddie switch." Five hours later I was piled into my car with three "EOD techs with motorcycle problems" (aka bike club members) headed to Florida. It was a 14 hour trip. We drove from 1:30pm and arrived sometime around 4 am the following morning. Matters discussed during said car trip were as follows: work, bikes, and club shennanigans. Each of the three topics were discussed at full volume (techs are notoriously deaf) for a total of 6 continuous hours. No female input was necessary nor requested.
It was only three hours into the trip that I realized I had forgotten my school textbook that was absoutely vital to me finishing homework that was due that coming Sunday. Whatever. I read my book and tuned out the surrounding conversation. I also needed waterproof mascara, which took a total of three (yes three) seperate stops to stores for me to acquire. Because I kept having ADD moments and would subsequently enter the store, purchase items unrelated to waterproof mascara, get back into the car and only several miles later would remember what I originally needed from the store. I believe the actual mascara purchase happened in Southern Alabama around 2 am.
When we arrived at the clubhouse we noticed three RV's in the grass and driveway. When we asked about sleeping quarters, lo and behold please gander at where we were pointed: an RV. I suppose since we currently reside in one full time the powers that be figured we would have no problem staying in one for an additional two nights. And there is where the camper diary entry comes in to play. So for three hours the first night my husband and I shared the dining table/couch/leather seating thingy. I slept. TJ didn't. I awoke at 7 the next morning to several bikes being started right below the window where I was sleeping. It was a jolt, to say the least. I will say this: I would rather sleep in a camper than on a blowup mattress in a bike trailer. Poor Ariel. She's a trooper. And, might I add, the only person I know that can go to bed in a bike trailer and wake up looking like she just rolled off the cover of a magazine.
There were a lot of tears that day. And night. We followed (in a truck) the bikes to the funeral home, attended a heartwrenching service, and proceeded back to the clubhouse. There were around 175+ bikes in the processional back home complete with police escort. It's really a beautiful sight. I snuck away late afternoon and crawled up into the loft of the camper to take a nap. For the record it's not easy to sneak away and nap with 500 people around. Inevitably people will come in and ask what you are doing. I had climbed a ladder for this nap people!! So needless to say, we were able to find smiles in a time of sadness.
There was also a tatto artist at the clubhouse, etching nonstop for all of us who felt the need to ink the occasion onto our skin as a memorial. That's not the part that makes me smile. The artist was recently released from prison, and was a member of a questionable gang. When I told my girlfriend in Georgia about this she replied, "white flour!" Drink will absolutely shoot out of your nose if you are not expecting something like that to be said!
The next morning I piled back into my car with the three biker techs. Everyone was tired, which may explain the humorous conversation that ensued for two hours. We took off in the wrong direction. Things were off to an amazing start. Twenty minutes down the road we had seen: electricians working on stoplights with police directing traffic through the intersection, a car being jumped by another car on the side of the road, and a person being pulled over by a cop. "Does anyone else see the circus going on outside today?" was posed by our driver. There were movie quotes ("That is a juicy burger!"), reliving the previous nights antics (country two stepping anyone?), the works. At one point Truax (I suppose trying to make a point) asked, "You know that Michael J. Fox movie?" To which Slack and I simultaneously said, "Teen Wolf?"
Did Michael J. Fox do any other movies? Guess none too memorable!
We ordered at Sonic. I took the keys with me to the restroom, I'm not an idiot. My luck they would either pull around and hide on the other side OR leave me altogether.
Sonic got my order wrong, so when they came to check on us my husband says, "mustard, cheese, and pickles only" and he and Slack said "hold the spit." I guess you had to be there. They locked the car doors with the windows rolled down, all while leaving wallets and other unsavory items visible on the floor. Really?
For some reason, it took us 17 hours to get home. We did stop and eat at a Hooters, because no bike trip is complete without a Hooters visit. It rained. And Sunday afternoon we were back in the car bound for Baltimore. Kiddie swap time. 37 hours in a car for a visit that lasted 19 hours.
So now we are back home, back at the campground, back in our own beds. The world is short one amazing soul. But I guess time usually heals all wounds...unless, of course, you are hit by a clock...
...Tempus Fugit...

***R.I.P. Noah "Flatliner" Sarvis***

Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes...

I believe Murphy never lived in a camper. Or perhaps he did, and that is why pretty much all of his laws pertain to my life at any given time. One cannot be certain.
We unhooked from our post in Huntsville and ventured...North? Northeast? I am not really certain, since Huntsville is, in fact, so very far north for a "Southern" state. What I do know is that a less than seven hundred mile trek from one state to another took far longer than it ought to. Saturday morning, straight out of the pen, the truck begins to overheat. This is not an F-150 mind you, nooo. It is an F-350, and it supposedly would pull anything. We discover via a phone call that overdrive should be deactivated for these type hauls. Things seem to be going fine until we hit the "mountains." Apparently our truck did not like towing an object in mountains, which had I known ahead of time I would have re-routed through more flatlands. So Chattanooga (less than 100 miles from H'ville) finds us pulled to the side of the road, hood open, coolant boiling over. This process happened a few ( X 50) more times between there and here. I would like it noted that I did not freak out or lose my temper once. I just smiled. Of course, having my house there (to include but not limited to my bathroom, refrigerator, couch...) made it much more bearable. And I'm certainly glad we alloted two full days to complete this "12 hour" journey. The lack of packing necessity also helped.
My view did not change much for those two days. I began to wish I'd mounted a flat screen TV on the back of the RV so I could at least watch a movie while driving waaaay under the speed limit and being forced to see nothing. (However, I know know there are seven red taillights, seven rungs to the ladder, and six siding sections on the rear of the RV, just to note). I began whining "are we there yet?" right around Richmond. And the answer was "no." I really miss Huntsville.
We now live next door to a pasture. The nearest "town" is close, though it looks like it hit its "prime" some eighty, ninety years ago.
Our neighbor decided to take a sledgehammer to his metal bumper on day one. During lunchtime, which is naptime. While all our windows were open. Really.
The water pressure is...low. Taking a shower feels like....you know when you step outside and feel water drops  but it's not hard enough for you to think "gosh, it's raining?" Okay, slightly more than that. But only slightly.
I took my laundry to a facility yesterday at noon to wash. At two thirty the large front loading washer was still washing my clothes. I began to get worried. The washer, it seemed, was holding our clothes hostage. An hour later the hostage crisis was resolved and my clothes were free to dry. This Virginia thing is not off to a great start.
Today I made my way into the nearest city in search of this great gym I had heard about. I waltzed off and forgot to get the GPS out of the truck and apparently decided subliminally I didn't need our internet phone either. Thirty minutes later I was lost. Thank goodness I have friends on speed dial with computers who were able to save me. Maybe OnStar wouldn't be too bad of an investment after all. I kept thinking that the folks behind me must be angry with my slow driving, only to get angrier when they noticed the "Alabama" plates. Folks up in these parts don't take too kindly to "dumb Southerners" slowing down traffic!
I have resumed command of the home and all of its inner workings. One could tell that by looking at my counter loaded down with dishes. Clean and drying. It's a testament to my cooking every meal again.
On a positive note, we did find a butcher local so we can purchase meat there at a fairly reasonable price. They did have some questionable things in there (pork parts slathered in gelatin, ugh), but I dared not look too intently...

You never learn anything by doing it right the first time...

As a beautiful client of mine said of this bipolar weather which cannot decide between summer and winter, "this cold snap is simply a 'commercial' for December.'" No truer words were ever spoken- this month, anyway. So what I'm getting of that statement is "keep summer clothes handy, along with your snowsuit." Can't hurt.
I got home at an abnormally early time today. The sun had not yet set, the kids were not yet cranky. However, what I assumed to be the onset of a lovely evening cascaded into me realizing the RV was tilting at an odd angle. So now, everything is leaning back and to the left (down). If you set a ball on the floor, it will roll southeast. If you set a drink on the counter, it will settle tilted down to the right. Normally I would worry about this since I fully believe that our attitudes, behavior, and mood depends on our equillibrium being just that. But since we leave in 36 hours, I think I will let this one slide. Literally. The cats don't seem to mind. The kids don't stand straight anyway. The dog thinks the floor is a playmate, rolling his ball away for him to chase. It could be a cosmic gift for him.
Last night it rained. I say this because when I looked at the forecast (alright, yeah, several, several days ago) it said "zero" chance of rain. Seriously. Zero. That's a pretty ballsy forecast for anyone outside of LA. So imagine my surprise when I walked outside yesterday and it was raining! What I suppose the forecasters meant was, "zero chance that our forecast will be accurate." I can't be certain. What I do know is that at midnight thunder and lightening woke me at 12:19 from a solid sleep. Actually, the thunder did the job; the lightening seconded the act. Also the cowardly dog (wasn't he in the Wizard of Oz? No, wait, that was a Lion) jumped onto the bed shaking. Always a good sign. I then proceeded to look at our internet phone (don't ask) to see the weather, which upon attempting to place back on the teeny-eenie bitty shelf (haha, seriously?) dropped onto the mattress and took a nose-dive between the bed into the 0.12532 inch wide crevace beside the bed and the wall. Which happens to be 2.7 feet back from where I can reach with my own arm and hand (what a math problem!) Good, great. This morning I was forced to use the Lowe's paint stick  (25 gallon version, thank you very much) and a pair of tongs to finangle this phone back into my grasp. Why, oh why, would the Puma creators put such an awkward space in a camper? I suppose for the same reason Congress votes their own pay raises...but I digress...
My children slept in my bed last night. It's a king sized bed, surrounded by a wall on two sides. One would think that if a person were sleeping in the center of the bed, flanked by two persons and walls, that the person would be relatively unable to encounter harm, right? Wrong. Apparently the three year old devised some sort of "sleep/dance/wiggle" that allowed him to escape the safety of the head of the bed and slip off the end of this massive cushion and slide onto the floor. With a thud. I'm not even sure if he is aware it happened, he simply climbed back up and proceeded to pass out with his toes in my nose. Horizontal. Head in his brother's chest. Almost cute, if I could breathe that is.
Okay. Tomorrow is our last full day here. Instead of being sad I insist on seeing the good that has happened here. Snowstorms, ice, tornadoes...WAIT. There was good.....there really was.....stay tuned....

A critic is a legless man who teaches running...

Two weeks into this solo...well, if solo includes two kids, two cats, and a dog. I always was bad at math. We had a great weekend filled with visitors, I've got the photos to prove it. So it's safe to say I'm exhausted. Since it has been two weeks I was informed that the poop needed to be picked up outside (from the husband) that the dog had deposited. Of every set of words he has ever said to me, "pick up dog poop" may very well be right at the bottom of my "happy" list. I say "may" because I fear other words could show up at some point, and I don't want to deprive those words of being at the bottom. He also told me to climb up on top of the camper and sweep off the roof and the tops of the slide outs, which was met with a boisterous "HA" because....no. I do not like heights. He better hope for some high winds...or a studious squirrel...
We leave in six days. Our neighbor is also leaving Saturday, headed to Afghanistan. So I suppose it's good. My husband says he misses us, though I have to wonder if what he misses is our incredibly comfy (per Jessica) bed, complete with a house that is not home to a baying hound dog...just a thought. I've been wrong before.
I've been told I'm cynical.
My children are learning not to slam doors. Slamming doors here backfires. They are sliding doors, and the effect which "slamming" is intended to have...doesn't. Rather, the door- when launched at an appropriate speed, will ricochet off the opposite frame and back into their face. It's incredibly amusing. Unless I'm mad. Then not so much. If I've mentioned that before, sorry. I'm getting to "that age."

Are assistants tax deductible?

Summer is over. We didn't get a gentle send off into fall, we got "flung" into fall. Actually, we got "flung" into the almost winter and I demand a redo. How did it go from a boiling 99 degrees with 110% humidity to 51 degrees and wet? No one consulted me. I'd like two more weeks of summer, please. I'm manning this fort solo right now. It begrudges me to admit that my husband was actually a bit of help the last few months. I didn't realize how much crap there was to do around here until it's now all my crap to do. It's been raining for five days, and the lines that need to be drained don't care if it's wet or dry outside; they still fill right on up and into the indoors if they are left unattended. And the smell, ugh! I thought I might need an ark for as much as it's been raining lately, but maybe short of floating this place is more like an ark than I thought!
I made it home in time to "cook" dinner this evening. By "cook" I mean I made tuna helper, and the fact my kids didn't eat it did not make it very "helpful." I also still have yet to completely unpack from this previous weekend's adventure to the beach...which turned out to be nine people for three days in a condo and a tropical storm making landfall and spoiling the Labor Day festivities. It was three days RV free, so I'm honestly not complaining. We returned home in rain and storms that traveled up I65 our entire way home, forcing me to unload everyone in a downpour. Such an adventure.
Huh, I am honestly too tired to try to make this post humorous...better luck next time....

Don't ever mistake kindness for weakess...

My hopes were that for each place we get to live that we take in as much of the area and sights as possible. I'd say for living in Huntsville for 8 months, we've done pretty good so far. We visited the Cathedral Caverns back in the Spring, the Botanical Gardens a few times, the Space Center, the Museum of Art (for yoga, and that would be only me), and today- the Safari. Yes, I said Safari. A drive-thru adventure where wildlife literally invites itself into your car. I fought with a deer to keep possession of the feeding plastic cup I was given; he tugged, I tugged, we tugged, he won. An Alpaca who wanted to enjoy some of the, um, whatever food the people gave us to feed them was kicked by a Shetland pony who had decided the food was solely for him. He eventually made his way window to window, and along with slobbering yes- they do spit, he did receive a cupful of (apparently) delicious treats. We fed a camel, mini-horses, deer, sheep, bulls, tortoises, and emus. Lots of emus, and very aggressive are these animals. All in all much laughter was had and, to be honest, it was better than an average zoo and one thing I never considered I would experience in North Alabama.

Apparently it was a good thing we moved from North Carolina, as Hurricane Irene made her way along the Eastern seaboard starting yesterday. I'm pretty certain that an RV would not fare so well in a hurricane, though as my husband says, "our house has wheels, we can just move." Better not to chance it though. There was also an earthquake in Virginia a few days ago. But if your home has no foundation, there's nothing to crack!

This morning the husband warmed up the oven to make breakfast. As he pulled the oven door open, the handle fell off. And to get it back on properly we must disassemble the entire oven door to get to the place where the screw can be re-affixed into the handle! As I write this I am looking over at it, hanging limply on one side, and thinking how in the he$! did that come loose!?!? Unbelievable. What's more unbelievable is that when it broke, I wasn't the one doing the pulling!

I never panic when I get lost, I just change where it is I want to go....

We have a saying around our house: “Well, if this whole EOD thing doesn’t work out….(insert random ideas here).” So far the endings to that sentence have been: you could always open a restaurant; you could always run a gentleman’s club; you could always open a maid service (cough, cough, giggle); we could always open an RV park. See? It’s that last one that has kept me awake at night. Because though I took that statement as a fleeting idea, he hasn’t let it go.  I’ve seen schematics, been shown property locations, the works. In all my life, I never would have attributed “RV park manager” to my resume or life’s pursuit.  Just another notch in the belt of life in camperville. Lord, please let this EOD thing work out!

We have begun to make preparations for another chapter in this adventure. We have to relocate to another state, so the move will be a two act play. First, the husband takes the truck and bike trailer and heads to the new state as an advance party (or “advon” to you military savvy’s), leaving a wife, two children, a dog/teenager, and two cats behind at the wheeled fortress to man the base operations. Should everything go as planned (again, cough, cough, giggle), part one will require patience, understanding, and a case of wine. Now, once the “scout” completes his initial recon, he will return at a later date to assume command of the family and act two will commence. Act two is where the General, that would be me (because really, that’s just how it is), assumes her nervous breakdown. We are going to pull this 42 foot camper across the East Coast and it will be the first time we’ve been responsible for such a long haul with the camper. The husband had made mention that at some point I would be driving the truck and pulling the camper, and I think I spit my drink out of my nose. Seriously. Has he forgotten how poor of a driver I am? In my little car/crossover/whatever? It’s only what, ten feet long? And I can’t even park that correctly. Does he seriously think I’m ever going to assume the responsibility for the massive twenty car pileup that would inevitably ensue on the interstate because he decided to let me pull the camper? I think not. That would be like asking a deaf-mute to sing the Star Spangled Banner at Yankee Stadium for opening day; or asking Magnus von Magnusson to dance the lead in Swan Lake. Nothing really great could come from it is all I’m saying.

I was informed before I left for work today that my husband’s agenda included bathing the dog, cleaning out the cat room/storage room, and some other things that didn’t register in my brain. I was gone for four and a half hours, and the kids were with me. When we came home this evening he was working hard, had made a pizza (frozen, not from scratch; white, no marinara because of my tomato allergy- hahaha, God),  and had pulled everything out from that back room and strewn it all over the kids’ room and living room. That’s about 8X4 feet of space littered with crap. The dog had yet to be bathed. The room was far from “cleaned.” My point here is that a woman’s plan and course of action for a given task is far different from a man’s. 

In our years together we’ve had to move several times; that’s just how it is in the Marine Corps and you learn to be flexible. You make friends, usually military, and you know the time together is limited though sometimes you meet again. If we’d had a crystal ball we would have lived our RV life sooner, but again, hindsight…This is the first time that a move is going to impact me in a way I never thought. Huntsville, believe it or not, is truly a perfect place- for me, anyway. Yes, the weather is tumultuous at best; brutal at worst. But with rain comes rainbows, and I suppose to get the beautiful landscapes a few storms must fall. The people here are truly special, because they are friendly, loving, kind, and fun. If I had my way we would live here forever, and I laugh because I never would have thought I would desire to spend my life in Alabama. It’s just a really great place, and I’m sad to go….

Get all the fools on your side and you can get elected to anthing...

Had I been smarter, I would have had the back toilet removed and placed a washer/dryer instead. The toilet in there has been used not once except to hold boxes, while a washer would have earned its keep ten fold. You know what they say about hindsight.

My nine pound cat has made it her mission to disrupt each night's sleep until one of us is dead I believe. She has taken turns laying on our faces, only to be launched across the room. Honestly, that cat has seen more air time than Tony Hawk's skateboards. She lays on the pillow and purrs. All night. I did not request a vibrating pillow. I would remember something like that. While I'm on the subject, this cat also licks the blinds. Licks them. Why? Ugh, so disgusting.

There are a finite number of showers that can be taken before the shower floor fills with water. Apparently 2.3 showers can be enjoyed before the lines must be drained is the best I've figured it. I have also learned that someone in this house will need to perform a less than stellar-smelling bathroom activity seven seconds before I am due to shower/put on makeup/fix my hair. Normally the announcement involves a smallish person tearing a$$ through the camper announcing loudly, "I GOTTA GO POOP," occasionally holding onto their bum. On the other occasions a not so smallish person simply locks themself in the facility, no announcement necessary.

The dog likes to sleep in during the morning hours. Seriously. He lays in front of the drawers that I certainly have to open and pretends like he doesn't see that I need to be where he is. You call his name, nothing. Punk. Ask him if he needs to go outside, nada. It's like having a four legged teenager.

My husband is off work this week. As I look around I see toys, blankets, and other odds and ends strewn about. It's like a mini-hurricane crossed through. And guess what, I'm not cleaning it up....

Okay. I give. Off to clean up the mess.....

Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at...

No matter how flexible one tries to be, no matter how readily you can adjust, change is permanent. I don't like change, which is amusing considering my home has wheels. Last fall I put our couch on LYS and three days later, when it was sold, sat in the middle of my living room and had a meltdown. I do not like change. A dear friend laughed years ago when I began my life's change and said, "oooh, Misses 'does not like change' is not gonna like change!" She was right. Which leads many to ask why I married a man in the military. Because. 'Cause sometimes forces are out of your control! But I digress...

I get to man the "fort" on my own for a while. I'm getting a laundry list of things to do, and another list of what to do if and when those things go wrong. This can't end well. I suppose the good news is that it is neither tornado season nor snow season. Perhaps the fall shall be peaceful, though I can only hope.

I recently had to fill out a form for my son's school. We had to identify our dwelling situation: home, apartment,or transient...other. Checking "transient" and "other" should draw a few questions. What else could I have said?

Earlier on during this adventure I had the husband WD40 cabinet doors so that the ever-loving squeaking would stop. Apparenly that is not an end all fix all to a squeaky situation. Our bathroom medicine cabinet opens at decible levels reserved for rap concerts, and that's not a noise one wants to hear at 6 am. Between that and the 22 pound cat giving a dissertation of the night's events upon TJ's waking, mornings have become less than peaceful. Why in the good Lord's name does the cat have to have fresh water from the sink spicket at 6 am when all one really wants to do is relieve one's self at the other facility? I was once told that if you talk to your animals enough that they will learn to "talk" back. What they didn't say was how to get that animal to shut up!

Today I began my quest to become a superb coupon clipper-saver. We stopped by the neighborhood paper machine, bought a Sunday paper, and I settled at the table to clip away. When I discovered the manufacturer's coupons had been removed from my paper, I was upset. I got into the car, drove to the gas station and (after letting the clerk know how I felt) opened the paper machine for a proper paper. I filed through the papers in the machine to find none of the five had any coupons. Boy was I hot. Who does that? Takes all the coupons from the papers?! I have to believe that the Huntsville Times simply did not include manufacturer's coupons in this week's edition. Otherwise, really? Is the economy that bad that someone took them out of every paper?! Hmph.

We had the pleasure of having a grownup night out Friday night. A lovely daughter of one of my favorite client's agreed to sit for us. I explained our current living situation and watched the mother's face register an "excuse me?" look, only to hastily explain the unique joy we experience here in camperville. I don't truly know how our sitter felt, only that she inquired, "are you ever going to live in a house again?" as we approached. We stayed out until 11:30 and began our short drive home. At midnight I was close to sleep, and Saturday I awoke in a fog. When did this happen? When did I become unable to function as a human being if I don't get to sleep by 10:30? When on Earth did my adult curfew become dark-thirty?! I can remember a time when I consistently watched the sun rise before my head hit the pillow. Nowadays I consistently watch the sun rise as I greet the day! Adulthood, schmulthood. Take my checkbook and wrinkles and give me fourth grade recess again, please!!!

Maybe I'm going about this right after all. Maybe since at such a "young" (cough cough, laugh) age we are living with retirees in RV's, perhaps I'll get a second youth? Or, more likely, maybe I'll just be better at Bingo and cross-stitch. You never know....

Going to church doesn't make people Christian any more than standing in a garage makes them a car...

I'm guessing that today's title will get some fuses lit, but I'll get to that later...

I'm watching a gorgeous color of steel gray approach from the west. At least I think it's the west, it could be north or south. I'm never quite certain. It concerns me only because I hand washed a load of laundry in my kitchen sink today that is outside attempting to dry on the line, and a thunderstorm will definitely hinder that progress. I hand washed laundry for three reasons. The first reason is I'm tired of spending at least one afternoon a week at a laundromat that is either in full surround sound Spanish or the other one which is many miles from my house. Second, there is one washer and one dryer here at the campground but a particular woman in a different lot has taken it upon herself to tie up those machines every single day with her laundry and God only knows how a family living in an RV can make so much laundry that it has to be washed every single day. If by chance the machines are open it is later in the afternoons when I don't have too much time to be schlepping back and forth because I have to work. And the third and final reason (for now anyway) is because my wrist was just beginning to heal and I felt the need to reinjure myself wringing out an entire load of soaking wet chothes. See? Now that I've vented I feel better.

I had the joy of attempting to enroll my five year old in Kindergarted recently. It was only by the kindheartedness of the office staff at the nearby Elementary School which allowed me to enroll this child without a lease or mortgage or somethingorother. So, much to this little boy's delight Kindergarten did in fact begin this morning. However, midway through the school day I recieved a telephone call informing me that this little man relived his morning breakfast all over the floor in class and could I come pick him up. So the first day of Kindergarten will be attempted in a "take two" on Wednesday. Only to us would this happen to. All I can do is smile.

Okay, I just brought the laundry inside because the always correct weather people just said we're under a "severe thunderstorm warning." Eh, they could be right this time. They were definitely correct a week ago when the "chance of a thunderstorm" turned into hurricane Huntsville and category 4 winds blew without warning nor break for over half an hour. It was madness. At 11:55 pm we were awakened by the trailer being rocked side to side and the snapping of trees at the trunk could be heard all around us. It felt as if the hand of God Himself had reached down from the heavens to wake us up. Luckily our camper inferred no damage, though several sites around us were not so lucky. Who knew deciding to live this lifestyle would come with come with such risk and threat?

I decided that today's title would be a little bold because of living here in the "bible belt." It just seemed to fit some things I've noticed over the course of our stay. Nothing personal  ;)  .

God made my children cute so I would not eat them...

I suppose the most interesting things occurred during winter. We've run on the same propane tank since Spring- well... sprung. And I've been cooking almost every night! I've learned to turn off the air conditioner when I use the microwave. If I don't, the power shuts off. Details, details. I also know that when I perform that series of operations that the temperature in the house goes from comfortable to right below boiling in about thirty-three seconds. Needless to say it's better to microwave at night.

Our new vaccuum is kicking a$$ and taking names, though our pet hair is definitely giving it a run for its money. Is it wrong to vaccuum the dog?

The kids have learned a new way to grate on my nerve (I'm down to one). They wrestle in bed at night before sleep and pull their curtain off the wall. It's most aggravating- both the wrestling and the curtain thing. The kids have also leaned on the dining table so much that it permanently leans to one side now. So heaven forbid a pea escapes off a plate, cause it's going down! I also have learned that my child will need to poop at the precise moment that I'm in the shower. I don't understand why this is, though part of me thinks he likes to ruin my shower with stink.

The cat made another great escape the other night. There's bigger cats than her in these woods behind our home, and she has no front claws. I truly do not think she thoroughly thinks things through. She's yet to encounter one, but it's only a matter of time.

I'm happy to report that those are the only things of consequence I am able to write about. It's been fairly quiet around here. Perhaps summertime truly is the best season to "go RVing" after all!

Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry, and never believe a mirror...

I gave up wanting to be rich and famous and have settled for being comfortable and unknown. I think it's a quality one gains with age. It has been an entire month since I have had the opportunity to sit and take down any humorous occurances that have happened, so let us see if that aging brain can recollect what has transpired.
I broke the blinds. Mind you, it was only a matter of time. See, camper blinds are two-shaded. You must first pull down the bar that brings down the room lightening shade, and then you must pull down the bar that moves the room darkening shade. When you pull them simultaneously, a fissure opens in the universe and emits a signal that forces the rope holding the shades onto the wall to snap and the shades to break. Something about Murphy and his laws, I believe. Whatever. All I know is that it was a numerical absolute "only a matter of time" that I would break one or more of the shades in the Puma. So there. Even my husband had nothing smart-a$$ to say when he came home and I openly admitted my blunder. I think he was more shocked it took this long.
 The cat made an escape the other night. I believe she has meticulously watched every night as the dog is let out his final time and the steps TJ takes to do so and found her perfect timing to dart out the door as he did. Unfortunately for her she made her grand escape on a night of thunderstorms, so I imagine she sat under the camper cursing the gods that she was able to foil her captors and make her run during such a fitful night. Anyway, the dog barked the next morning to alert us she was patiently waiting on the top step to be let back inside. She's yet to attempt a second run for the hills.
I love red kool-aid. Actually it's the Wal-mart Great Value brand cherry flavored drink, but it's delicious. I, however, am not consice enough at pouring or drinking this delictable red nectar of the gods and continuously spill it on the floor, the counter, and the inside of the refrigerator. Why oh why can they not make this drink clear? Clear drinks are not just for children!
I think it should be noted that I have been forced to buy yet another vacuum. This time it is an upright version of a "pet friendly" vacuum, and it seems to be incredible. It snatches up hair and dirt like nobody's business and I love it. I do fear for the day it meets its untimely demise, which if anyone is keeping count should be in roughtly two months, eighteen days, and nine minutes. Buy your vacuum stocks now (that's an insider tip!)
Our camper exterior is taking on the alluring tone of a zebra. For some reason camper's get a lovely black soot that rolls down top to bottom in dazzling vertical stripes that really look silly on anything other than zebras. RVs are not zebras. Are you seeing the conundrum? But there is a wonderful cleaner that can be purchased at RV supply stores for the low low price of "insanely expensive" that makes us reconsider the fashion value of animal print for our home.
Well folks, that is all my geriatric-heading brain can recall at this precise moment. Perhaps time will again afford itself for more frolicking tales of "normalcy!"

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them...

So there's this smell emulating (emulating? No, that's not right...emanating, yeah that's it)...EMANATING out of the bathroom. It's worse inside said actual bathroom. Granted, I know the toilet-area is not a wonderful smelling place in general per se, but currently it smells worse than it ought to. I called the husband upon noticing said aroma and mentioned that the room smelled less than pleasant. His answer? Well what is it? How am I supposed to know that? All I know is whatever it is smells especially repugnant and that I would prefer it not to. He told me to go outside and drain the lines. I told him that he's funny. Outside is a "man" job. Inside is woman's job. If inside has a complication due to an outside malfunction, it therefore falls into the responsibility of the outside maintainer by default. It's in the by-laws. What he then said is that perhaps he left the sewer line open and maybe the smell is getting in that way? I don't know. I don't care. All I know or care about is that the foul smell cease and desist as quickly as possible.
There were leaves on the couch when I returned home today. Now, I am fully aware that I did not leave a window or door open from which leaves could blow in from. Nor are there any leaves other places than the couch. The culprit has four paws and long blonde hair and knows good and well he isn't allowed on the couch. He's yet to 'fess up to his crime. Though the couch is developing a gorgeous coat of fur.
Gray clouds are sneaking around the edges of the visible sky. I know they are toying with me. There will be no rain today. Unless, of course, I wash and wax the car. Which will also not happen today. Perhaps I will just continue to admire the light brown color of the majority of the grass and the nice green from where the kids sprinkler hits.

Thankfully, my children make my hair color look believable...

Definition:
Trailertrashtastic (n.)- To emulate or otherwise complete the stereotype of white trash by displaying tires on the lawn, multiple loads of laundry hung out to dry in the front yard (unmentionables included) in full display of the trailer park, children playing wearing only diapers or underwear, all while drinking a beer and watching car racing on television (via antennae, of course).

If I did not have my sense of humor then my life would be very disturbing at times. To save money we decided to only wash last week's clothes at the laundromat and bring them home to line dry. Perhaps the best way to do this is at one load at a time, but we had four. So our yard resembled something between a yard sale and a scene from the movie Twister Sunday afternoon.
We had to bug bomb the RV. I had endured my final flying insect and spider, so yesterday when I woke up I pronounced Sunday would be "bomb day." We loaded the cats into the crate, dog and children (and cats) into the car, set off the foggers, and set out to the park to try and kill the four hours required to annihialate small creatures and insects. The park did not allow pets, so we put them under a shade tree and let the boys play. It's hot in Huntsville in June. Like middle of the sun, ninth circle of hell, core of the Earth hot. And it doesn't rain. Ever (apparently). So the moral of that little story is do not bug bomb your house in July in Huntsville if you have no indoor options in which to pass the time. Oh. And the CO2 monitor apparently thinks whatever is in bug fogger is CO2 compatable and continually screamed until the mist settled. TJ went in several times to fan it off. I suggested that perhaps humans were not intended to breathe in the misty fumes, but his response? "I've breathed worse." Great. Does that life insurance policy cover inhalation mistakes? Just curious.
I have also discovered that I only sleep well in our room if our A/C is on "coldest" and turned on all night. Last night (and this had never happend before thus far) I asked TJ to set it to "coldest" so I wouldn't hear the "click" each time the unit went from "fan" to "freon" (or condition or whatever.) He argued that both A/C's turning on at the same time would trip the circuit breaker. I rolled my eyes. He no sooner had turned it on and climbed into bed that the power shut off. Really. What are the chances? I'm telling you if he hadn't put it out there into the universe it would not have happened. The best thing about this little documentation I'm keeping of this journey is that it is from my perspective. I'm sure if you asked his take on much of this he'd have a different story.
We broke down and bought a new laptop. The cheapest version of the best one we could afford. I've got to admit though, with my less than stellar track record with technology and my husband's threat if I break this one, I'm on pins and needles with every keystroke! Speaking of technology, our new little handheld vacuum now overheats after three minutes of use. It's two months old. This time I blame the pet hair and not the operator. Perhaps it's time to invest in a Roomba.
So. During our marriage we have lived in two houses with dishwashers and two houses with a dishwasher named Mommy. I am the only one who ever has or ever will do dishes, except when my mother-in-law has visited and she is wonderful enough to pitch in. My point is that the husband does not, has not, will not do dishes. Have I made my point? It's not that I enjoy doing them, I hated it as a child and like it substantially less now. But unless I want to waste money on disposable dishware, washing dishes myself is the only option. Having said that I would like to throw my husband "under the bus" for a moment. He says (to me), "You're not a very good dishwasher" (or something along those lines)... (A few years back he said "I like the way I clean the bathroom better" then proceeded not to do it for three months. Just making a point here...) I do admit that perhaps my dishwashing abilities are not five-star quality. It's not my favorite job. My family's lucky I do them at all. What I'm trying to get at here is people who live in houses where dishes get done for you should not throw stones. Or dishwater. Or something like that. Especially in a tiny "kitchen."
Speaking of dishes, I had a little contest with myself the other night to see exactly how many pots and pans I could dirty up to do that evening's meal. It was quite impressive, just so you know. I managed to top it the following night when I used two more than the night before. Rachel Ray's got nothing on me (hahaha)!
My husband was never into sports, especially not car racing. But as of late he has taken up to watching it on television. Full races. Nascar, Formula 51, whatever. Which is great (I guess). But I have to wonder: does he watch it because I'm sitting two feet away doing homework and the sound of the engines disrupts my concentration or because he really enjoys it?
Well, it's quiet now. Naptime. Perhaps when the boys wake from their slumber I'll throw on their swimsuits and let them play in the water sprinkler. Hey, we've got an image to uphold here!!!
Praying for rain.......

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee...

The problem with technology is that when you publish a daily online blog, not having the capability to get online seems to prevent the online blogging. Funny how that works. I lost my netbook hard drive a month ago, had to order replacement discs, and had a laptop and desktop to use in the interim. Or so I thought. The laptop's motherboard is making her exit and the whole pc will completely shut down without notice. The desktop has lost the ability to get online at all, plus it takes up an enormous amount of table space. So I had to wait for the netbook to be released from the "hospital" (read: Best Buy). Now on with more interesting tidbits of camper life.
We moved our camper a week ago to a new site. Same RV park, just a different location. My husband lovingly informed me that  we were going to pack up the camper, pull it out of the lot, drive it around, and then bring it back. His reasoning was to see how the truck handled the camper. What he didn't realize is how much work that created for me! Instead of ranting about having to tie down, secure, and move stuff around I'll simply say that the good Lord was on our side because a lot we had been eyeing opened up that very day and made all this "moving" worthwhile. Now. For two days prior to the move we had the privelege of acquiring a new neighbor who was all kinds of interesting. His RV was, well, of an older variety. He would sit outside the camper and face the woods (there's nothing there but trees, we looked). On several mornings he had his belongings set out in front of the camper with "for sale" and "yard sale" signs around his lot. It was special. Who knew you could have a yard sale in a campground?
Yesterday we had tucked the children into bed and settled in to watch a movie. The dog began growling. TJ took and put him on his lead and opened the door. The dog bolted outside, not realizing he was securely fastened to the steps of the camper (as he always is outside). All I heard was a loud "thud" as he reached the end of his lead. Luckily the steps were welded to the camper. But what I need to know is, what was he racing toward?
Grandaddy Longlegs are rampant at this site. They're harmless, and the only spider that will not send me into a tailspin, but they are EVERYWHERE! I hang dry clothes outside and have to shake and beat them before they come inside, because putting on pants and discovering extra legs crawling inside is one more thing that will put me in a straight jacket.
Oh. Yes. So we finally found the limit for the circuit breaker. It kept popping the other day. I had the A/C on and the air purifier on, and it tripped. We later found out it was actual trouble in the lines, not just ours, but I had some definite choice words for the circuit as it kept popping while the boys were napping!!!
We need rain. It's the third layer of hell hot here and dry as a bone. Sorry, I just believed that a post without a weather reference is no post at all. Au dieu!

Income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf...

The newest item in camperville I have to report is that we now have a "horse" to pull our "buggy" with. We are no longer reliant on others with trucks to pull or move or level our home when we need it. Now, scarily enough, we are reliant on us. And I have to admit that scares me a little. I'm also a little scared that we have another vehicle to take care of, though I did laugh when I called the insurance company to add on the truck and told them "approximately how many miles" the truck will be driven. I told them "less than 5,000" and that might have been stretching it. In reality, it will probably be driven less than 2,000 each year. Heck, in a week it's been driven.....home. That's pretty much it. But it makes a pretty driveway decoration!
We are also under precautionary severe weather alert for tonight and tomorrow. When I hear that all I can think is: what time will the children be crawling into bed with us because of the thunder? Cause I know at that point my good night's rest is over. So I wait with baited breath to see what kind of "bad weather" will arise. Good thing we have a generator. You know, just in case.
Our three year old has figured out how to get to sleep in our bed without us marching him back to his: he waits up until we have fallen asleep then sneaks up and falls asleep with us. Usually neither of us notice until well into the night- if at all- until morning that there are little fingers in our nose or little toes in our tummy. The little devil.
We live in a circular campground which the kids love to ride their three-wheelers (big wheels, not mechanical ones) around at high speeds. The four year old has loved riding his so much that the front wheel is actually flat- so he rides it and it goes "ba-bump ba-bump!" (I don't think I've ever spelled that sound out before...) We had no idea you could actually make a thick plastic wheel get a flat! The things your children teach you...

We used cat food to feed the catfish....

I love technical issues. They make my day much fuller than expected and always cause general mayhem in my head. Once I get something set up, such as the pc or printer, I expect it to be that way for life or until I choose to replace it. That does not always happen. My hard drive on the netbook crashed last week, taking pictures and documents into cyber graves with it. Wonderful. On the upside, it was still under warranty and shall be replaced soon. On the downside, I now have our desktop (behemoth) set up on the dining table. There's literally nowhere else for it to go. So alas, one more inconvenience.
Life has since begun spinning in the correct direction following the storms and the Texas/Florida trips. We are getting back to normal, back to prison showers and tiny spaces. The RV park filled up since we last were here. I believe there are one or two available spaces, but still everyone keeps to themselves. Some of the new guests are FEMA workers, which I find ironic seeing how they showed up to work two weeks after the disaster. Amusing.
It's cold outside. It's mid-May, why are we still wearing long sleeves and jackets? Did the hemisphere move? Are we in Canada? The Earth must be off her axis. I'm not amused.
So a funny story here unrelated to our camper, though I find it amusing and worth sharing. While we were at my grandparent's house in Texas I was discussing horses with my grandmother. As a kid I always wanted one, and recently told my husband I wanted one if we ever had enough land. I just like horses. So one night my grandfather comes into the house from down at his boxcars (yes, the ones that go on trains) and says, "we got that horse you were talking about." I thought I had heard wrong, but no I had not. A pony had wandered onto their property (30+ acres) and was wandering in the fenced in garden (fenced in, no actual gate). So during a thunderstorm my grandfather and I go out into the garden and manage to grasp the pony's bridle. We lured him up to the house (carrots worked nicely) and my grandmother made some calls to find his owner. He broke his chain during the night and wandered off, but the next day was back out in the garden! The kids got to pet him, and I was told his owner eventually showed up for him days later. But I love God's sense of humor to send a pony on a day we had been discussing them. My grandmother jokingly told me to take him home, though where would he go? In the back of my Edge to be stabled at the Space Center RV Park? That would be funny.
My refrigerator is quite bare, so I am guessing I am in charge of refilling it. That's fine, I enjoy grocery shopping. And that, my friends, is the statement that will get me into the funny farm!

If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip...

It's been a while since I last recounted the "goings ons" of life, and since then the world here in the Tennessee Valley was dealt a very severe blow. I never thought when I began this blog that the weather would become such a key character, yet she very much is. So parts of this section will be sad and some will be humorous. But as my husband said, I can't leave it out.
Even before April 27th showed up on our calendar, the (sometimes correct) weather people were predicting bad weather. I do believe one recount stated, "a week before that week they were predicting a severe weather week." Or something like that. "Severe storms" and "tornado threat" came up once or twice prior to the day. So on Tuesday night as we tucked away to bed I took the internet phone with me and placed it near my head so should there be tornado warnings I could wake up to the alert. At 5:30 that next morning it was indeed raining (thundering, lightening, the works) yet no word from the weather alerts had come through. Kids, dog, and cats were all in bed with us...the dog shaking the whole bed. Such a coward. I got up and turned on the television to see we were indeed under a tornado warning, and then the phone and sirens went off at once. The path looked ominous for our area so I woke the husband and kids and we all got dressed. By the time we had prepared the path of said tornado had shifted so TJ laid back on the couch and went to sleep. I proceeded with my day, already decided that the four year old would stay with me all day. Schools were delayed to start, and I just knew we'd be called in to pick them up if the storms continued. I kept my eye on the weather to try to stay as informed as possible, then we left for the gym as usual. While at the gym the weather alerts continued, and the storm team showed a very dangerous cell moving due east toward us. My boss came to find me, inquiring as to how much longer I planned to work out, and then she remembered what we lived in! So it was decided the kids and I would remain at the gym for safe measure, though the gym is just a large metal shed...not much different from here now that I think of if. Sure enough, as we looked outside we saw clouds spiraling and the warm temperatures were very foreboding. Karrah (being a mother hen) protectively shepherded us into the trainer's room for safety. Well, she tried. A tornado was on the path for us (or as it turned out right down the road) so we bundled into the center of the gym to wait for it to pass. A few of us could not resist going out front to watch the storm form, watching the clouds rope around at dizzying speeds. Finally, after wind, hail, and rain the storm moved on. As it passed through it took down a few trees outside the gym. The coloring in those storms was beautiful, and I feel bad saying so but it is true. During the following lull the kids and I head for home between the cells and I get them settled into my bed for a nap. TJ comes home for the day, and we watch as several more tornadoes are announced between Mississippi/Tennessee/Alabama, just one cell after another with just minutes in between each storm. My friend Kenny sends a text from Jasper, AL telling me of a massive F5 twister that is tearing a path from Tuscaloosa to Birmingham, and of another that decimated Cullman and Arab (both towns were hit with another twister just hours after the first one). If I were a better writer I would have the perfect words for description, but the sky was heavy with dark colors mixed with lightening, thunder, wind and hail and were followed by bouts of sun peeking through. The hubby and I decide that being in a camper is maybe not the safest at this point, so we head to Harvest to a friend's house. We took cowardly dog with us and wished the cats good luck. During the ride over the world turned an eerie green, very fluorescent in color and we watched boards, signs, and other debris spinning in the air in an updraft. I was captivated by the scene, and when we arrived at the Moore's house we heard that a tornado had ripped through Harvest between the Moore's and our gym (where we had just driven through). So that explains the green tint. More and more tornado reports came through the internet phone and on the radio, so we buckled in to ride out the remainder of the storm. We grilled a feast on their grill in the garage (door open during storm breaks), and let the kids play. We lost power about 5 o'clock, and none of our phones worked correctly much after that. We did learn that the tornado sirens had malfunctioned during all the alerts so we were on our own without information. A few phone calls were intermittently received where we were warned of other twisters that were on the ground nearby around us. I am not exaggerating one iota when I say the whole day resembled the movie Twister (life imitating art). We stood outside watching the clouds during rain breaks, but staying indoors as hail pelted outside in various cells. As darkness (and after what we learn to be the last cell) falls, we pile in our car and head home. Harvest is in ruins. No power, destroyed homes, buildings, and gas stations. Downed power lines and an unaccounted loss of life. We pass by a home engulfed in flames, with spotlights shining on it as firefighters douse it with water trying to put out the flames. The entire city of Huntsville is catapulted into total blackness. No traffic lights, no business lights. Nothing. The only sounds to be heard are emergency sirens through the night.
I'm so glad we decided to live in a camper in an area riddled with tornadoes.
The report said something like 244 tornadoes were reported in 24 hours. Over 350 people lost their lives that day. The destruction was total and it was devastating. But the next day the sky was blue. It was as if nothing had happened...unless you looked outside the campground. Ironic isn't it? Who would have thought we would be safer in our little camper than at the house we sought safety in. Our neighbors here in the park said they stood outside and watched the various cells and twisters pass by on either side of town, safe here. No wind or hail damage. It was as if our little corner of the world was protected under a bubble.
We were without power for a total of seven days. I did buy a generator while in Texas (whew! That's a $400 sticker shock we were not prepared for!), so from Sunday evening until yesterday we ran our refrigerator, limited lights, and a fan. I'm so grateful that our refrigerator was basically empty when this happened. Replacing that madness gets pricey! And can I just vent how I'm so glad gas is almost $4 a freaking gallon! And guess what generators run on? Nope, not wishes and hopes...freaking gas! Ugh. At $4 a gallon you really do decide what's important energy wise!!!
I know I joke around about the sirens, the wolf criers, and how we never know what to believe. I do know that even if they only work ten percent of the time, at least that is something. But seriously, malfunctioning on the biggest event of their existence?!" It's like when professional football players fumble the ball or miss a field goal kick. Seriously?! It's their ONLY JOB!!! It frustrates me. Guess it's a good thing I don't coach sports... Or predict weather... Or build weather sirens...
I took my kids to Texas for a week and came back on Sunday. My husband said the house would be clean, though to be honest it was a bit of a wreck. I thought perhaps a twister had come through the inside of our camper. In his defense I guess it is hard to vacuum with no electricity, though that's the only reason I'm letting it slide! The boys really didn't understand why the adults were all freaked out last Wednesday, and they were running around the gym saying, "it's the tormadoes!" Leave it to children to make us smile.
TJ asked, "I wonder if that weather guy was here that day." I said, "Who? Jim Cantore?" You know, that's a really good question...
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To all my friends and fellow rats from the gym I am so thankful for your safety and I pray for your sanity and good humor as well as mine...
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(Side note: For anyone who doesn't know, Jim Cantore of the Weather Channel shows up in the worst weather locations. He has for years! If a hurricane is even remotely predicted, wherever he goes is where will get the hardest! People hold up signs saying "Go away Jim!" and "Not here Jim!" Snowfalls will be the largest wherever he reports from...It's amusing...)

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness...

The dog managed to jump in to "swim" in what can only be described as the sewage dump. I'm not sure if that's what it was, but he stunk very much bad. So he got shaved and bathed...he was not happy. Serves him right, dumb a** dog! You would think an animal with "smell superior to humans" would know not to jump in stinky water! Eh?
The kids got haircuts as well today, it's a good thing they are little and don't know a good haircut from a less than good one. It's cheaper for me to do it, good or bad!
Tomorrow is Easter. Since the kids are always with me, they were there for the Easter shopping. I told them that parents had to buy the plastic eggs and then call the Easter bunny to come pick them up and bring them back Easter morning filled. My husband noted that I said something very similar about Santa. Oh well. What are you gonna do? I still cannot put together how Easter got paired with a rabbit that brings eggs. Eggs? Really? Genius....
The park we are currently staying at has a 30 amp setup, and our camper is setup for a 50 amp. We thought we would have to be savvy about what electrical items we used and when, but for the last couple of weeks we've had no problems. Well, until today. 1 pm: husband notes, "I'm surprised we haven't had any issues with this only being 30 amps." Fast forward three hours and I overloaded the circuit (TV, microwave, other items running at once) and tripped the breaker. That's what he gets for saying it out loud!
Well, it's Saturday night and we are in "jammies" at 6 pm. What party animals we have become! Until further amusing things happen, I bid you adieu....

The greater the value of the rug, the greater chance that the cat will throw up on it...

The bird poop was washed off during the storm. TJ lucked out. He said he needed to get up on the roof and clean the whole camper off; I think he was just waiting for the rain. But I could be wrong.
So today I have to go buy another vacuum. My suggestion to everyone is to buy stock in vacuum companies. Hoover, Bissell, buy them all. It's an insider trading tip from me. Because the rate I alone go through them is enough to make us all rich. I'm an equal opportunity destroyer! Our floors have accumulated crap for a few days now, and it's getting to me.The cat threw up on TJ's side of the bench at the table. I cleaned it up, but he's currently on a "need to know" status with household goings-ons.... It was only a matter of time til it happened anyway...
Last night as I lay in bed awaiting sleep I heard a loud noise next to us. It was an engine, that much I was certain of. What I could not pinpoint was whether we were getting a new neighbor or a spaceship was landing outside. I just couldn't be sure of which it was- it was that loud...Turned out to be a large motor home that I feel quite sure the owner did some fancy tweaking to the engine to make it sound that way. Have I mentioned it was exceptionally loud? Though now that I think about it, having a spaceship land next door would have made for a way better story.
There was another thunderstorm last night, and thus we got very little sleep due to the sheer amount of bodies in the bed. I'm surprised the slide out has not wilted more than it has so far. There's easily 450 pounds of person/animals/fur on that bed at any given time in these storms.
Well, the children have woken from their naps and I must make my daily pilgrimage to Walmart...

If crying doesn't help, try violent mood swings...

We have a skylight over the shower. It really opens that three by four space right up. The problem is that a bird recently pooped on it, and I'm afraid of heights and will not go up and clean it. My camper responsibility falls to everything inside the walls while the husband is responsible for all things outside. But I foresee the bird poop bugging me faster than it will bug him, and the timetable for cleaning it for him will thus take longer than it would if oh say I want it done. It's the marriage laws of physics.
We have a twenty pound cat who really likes fresh water. He really does weigh that much, I wish I was joking. As long as I've had this cat he has jumped up on the bathroom counter and begged for the faucet to be turned on. He really likes fresh water, enough to not mind that it pours down on the top of his head while he drinks. We thought that would change living in the camper, seeing how the edge of the sink is less than two inches in diameter. Nope. He jumps his fat a** right on up there and begs for water. It defies both the laws of physics and gravity. I have no idea how he does it. He also eats toilet paper. But that's a whole other issue....
We thankfully learned that we can pick up a handful of channels for the TV through the antenna. However, for some reason our living room set has given up several of those channels...I do not know why.. But I do know that now the kids spend more time in my bed watching cartoons. I guess I should be happy we have any stations at all.
It's going to rain again tomorrow. What they are actually predicting is "tornado outbreaks" for our area. Surely, surely, this apocalyptic weather has to be nearing its end. (I had to talk about the weather again, my posts just wouldn't be the same if I didn't.)
Well, I am off to my first day of "work." Time to "make the donuts...."

Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets...

It's raining again. Thunder, lightening, mud, the works. I'm ordering pontoons for the camper soon. As I look out the window right now it is still doing all those previously mentioned things, yet it is impossibly green outside. Not just the trees and grass, but the lighting! It's very, very green!....Maybe beer number three was an overstep....
We had to buy a duvet cover today. It was less than cheap, but necessary. Essentially all a duvet consists of is two sheets sewn together at three sides with buttons on the fourth. Why does it cost so much? It's a sham. Which, ironically, were two useless items (pillow shams) contained in our duvet purchase. The purchase of the duvet came at the behest of the husband spurred on by the cowardly dog leaping onto our bed this morning at 5:45 am with the first clap of thunder. Followed moments later by the three year old.
I'm sensing a pattern.
There was a break in the storms for a bit this afternoon where the father let the children go outside. Cut to twenty minutes later where both children are covered in mud...along with the dog. Ah, therein lies the reason for beer numero uno....
There are no actual tornado sirens here at this campground. I suppose that's ok. We have internet and cell phones. What I do feel a bit bad for is the park security who must go door to door in the event of a warning or other emergency. These things happen in rain and wind. That can't be fun. And our new tornado "shelter" is quite far away. Although, now that I think on it, it would force me to drive to said shelter. Thus, alleviating the aforementioned "oops" wherein I managed to get myself and the kids/dog stranded in rain without transportation. Right?
I was informed by an official "Alabamian" that the four seasons of the state are as follows: football season, hunting season, tornado season, and summer. That wasn't on the rotary club's pamphlet either. It's the little things you learn in life that keep you going.
My children are currently watching "Tom and Jerry," which they love. And I'm realizing how much my cat looks like "Tom." Well, a cross between Tom and a great white shark. There's no story there, just something I felt like sharing.
Well, I'm turning in for the night. The rain isn't letting up and the steady sound on the roof is becoming a lullaby for sleep...zzzzz.....

A man's go to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't...

Somehow we have moved to a beautiful area that has the worst of weather. It has freezing temperatures, snow, and ice in the winters. It has tornadoes, violent wind, thunderstorms with lightening and rain in the springtime. I think I remember the Bible stating that the next season was plagues and locusts. Or something like that.
Yes, before you ask, I'm about to discuss the weather further. Buckle up.
Yesterday was not particularly pretty nor was it stormy. For a while. It had some dark gray clouds, but the weather icon on the phone spoke nothing of a storm. As afternoon sank into early evening we noticed darker clouds rolling in, and we assumed it would rain. As we are grocery shopping in the ever-interesting-people infused retailer called Wal-Mart we heard the heavens open up and noticed that a thunderstorm had indeed passed over us. But as we checked out, all that remained were some dark clouds and sparse lightening. As we pulled into the campsite, however, we met a different sight. There were branches, limbs, and full trees down in the RV park. Our rocking chair (yes, we are 80 year old retired people apparently) was flipped over, but no real damage. One massive (Oak? Pine? Who knows) was pulled up from the roots and thrown across the road thirty feet from our home. Another was down not too far from that! And these were not dying or sickly trees. They were beautiful, green, and healthy. Where had this violent wind come from?! Surely there would have been an alert on the phone! Or at least a glimpse of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Now that I think back, security has gone door to door in the campground and informed us we were under a "tornado warning." But you know how I believe those anymore. Huh. Go figure. While we retained no damage other than about 750,000 leaves clinging to our camper, our neighbor was not so fortunate- they had failed to retract their awning and the wind ripped it off their camper. Good thing we brought ours in as the rain had begun to fall.
Okay. Enough of the weather.
I get to clean our carpets in a little while. We had to break down and buy a Little Green Machine steam cleaner because somebody's Golden Retriever had three poo accidents in less than 36 hours on our living area carpet. Why the carpet? Can someone explain that to me? There is perfectly good hard flooring two inches away for crying out loud! If he absolutely has to poop in the house, use there!!! Why the carpet?!? So now I get to crawl around and steam clean it in hopes that it comes clean.
I just spent half an hour outside picking up limbs and branches, sweeping the area in front of the camper, and removing leaves and debris from the outside of the RV. That's what I call...well, I'll call it a man's job for intents and purposes here- though anyone who truly knows me knows what I really call those kinds of jobs! I told my husband I had done it, and he said, "well last night I put the clean sheets on the bed and that's a woman's job, so we're even." Not hardly.
Daddy bought little man a new pair of dinosaur sunglasses last night. We got them home, even had possession of said glasses at breakfast this morning. Somehow between 8:00 breakfast and 8:43 out the door, the glasses were stolen by what I can only assume to be the camper troll and taken to his magical kingdom. The glasses are gone. I've scoured the camper and still cannot find them. This house is the size of a cracker box! Where else could they have gone?!? I guess maybe the camper troll is related to the dryer gnome and one day we will find out where they take all the socks and glasses. I can only hope....

The person who said "anything is possible" never tried to nail jell-o to a tree...

We make decisions everyday. What to eat, what to wear, who to strangle. Things like that. It's inevitable. One thing, surprisingly though, I do not regret is the decision to live in our RV. Though that decision has been tested and tried as of late. If you'll take note it's been several weeks (not days) since I've been able to post. Many, many a thing has happened since then though the catalyst for no postings was a severe thunderstorm that lasted three days and knocked out the campground internet for weeks. Now, normally that wouldn't be a problem but as for me it soon became on. Being how I started grad school and it is entirely online certainly poses a problem if no "online" exists. So back to the thunderstorms. We found out that both of our children and our retriever are scared of thunder. Who knew? One particularly loud clap that Friday night sent both boys screaming into our room which were followed by a shaking bed- that being the dog whom we could have named Coward. And this lovely interlude of bed buddies persisted for three nights. On the third night we nestled in (kid free) hoping for the best, only to hear "boom boom" as we shut of the TV for the night. I heard in the dark as my husband asked, "really?" So the week wears on, no sign of internet in sight, we settled in to endure the overcast skies and watch television. Somehow I feel like I'm forgetting something important in this time period, but at my age the best I can do is "hope" it comes back to me.
The tornado sirens have gone off twice since my last post. One particular time was late afternoon and I did in fact heed the warning. But only if I'd been smart about it. The siren sounds, I wake the three year old from his nap, slap shoes on both boys feet and the leash on the dog and trod to the wash house. The storm rolls in, yet again no tornado, but with it comes nasty rain, thunder, wind and hail. And guess who walked instead of driving to the safe area without a second thought of how to return? This girl. So we waited until the husband got home from work to come rescue us from our "safety." Sometimes my head is really just a hat rack.
On the same day as the previous incident happened I got a text stating that we were paid up for our RV lot until that Saturday, and that there were no more spaces available meaning we had to move. A moment of panic. Move where? I had not thought of a contingency plan to this little exercise. So in a panic I call around and discover that the Rocket and Space Center has an RV park. So four days ago we enlisted the help of a friend with a truck who could pull our camper and relocated to our new site. The downside is that this particular camp has no cable and no laundry facility that can do more than one load at a time. It's great. Really. Rustic. Yes, rustic is the word I shall use. So in our new rustic location we are now without television, luckily have purchased our own internet (and are now at the behest of AT&T), and get to do more things outside. With the bugs. Asa loves bugs, remember? He's so happy.
My husband also let my two young children flounder in mud puddles while I was taking an exam at a testing center which is only a problem because I have no laundry facility handy. Nice. So their muddy attire is in a bag awaiting transport to some facility where my nerves shall be tested and frayed while I wash and dry our clothes while wrangling the children to behave. It's good. It's good. No really.
Last night the husband spent the night away from home. So as a treat I let the boys sleep in our bed and watch a movie. It was hot, so I turned on the a/c. Or thought I did. What I actually turned on was the heat but since there is no heating element in the actual unit all we got was warm air. I was hot all night and could not for the life of me figure out why. But in my brilliant mind I didn't think to look up and make sure I'd turned on the a/c. Nope. It took the husband coming home this morning and pointing out my doofus mistake to make me realize again that sometimes the hair dye goes all way past the roots. 
One final note. Our new campsite is under a canopy of trees. It's lovely. Though those leaves are along the ground and they love both human and dog feet to catch rides from. And because of that we have vacuumed three three times so far today. Yes I said today. And all I can think of to say is thank goodness our electricity is included in our lot rent and not separate.

Men like to barbecue. Men will do the cooking if danger is involved....

I'm a day behind for telling this new story, but better late than never. The forecast predicted thunderstorms and rain the other day, though all we got were clouds and a few showers late afternoon. Not a single lightning bolt or clap of thunder. Now I told you that story to tell you this one. Later that same day, at nine somethingorother (several minutes into Justified, which is why I remember), the "beep beep beep" annoying sound came on the television and the blue National Weather Service screen popped up to warn us of a tornado. But it wasn't raining. It wasn't thundering. It wasn't "weathering." We looked outside, saw no clouds. Saw the stars, actually. But the tornado sirens (remember the wolf cryers?) were wailing that a tornado was imminent. I look online, and sure enough there is a nasty little circle of a storm coming across the airport and heading our way. TJ and I hem-hawwed around, debating whether to change out of our jammies and wake up the boys. With so many false alarms lately, did we really have to get them out of bed? So we look outside and take note that many of the campers have emerged from their RV's and headed to the laundry facility. So my argument in the "for" category was that no one had paid attention before and sought shelter. And just our luck would have it had we not left the camper we would have been hit dead on by the tornado, had there been one. So we put on flip-flops, leashed the dog, wished the cats the best of luck, and toted two sleeping boys up to the impromptu neighborhood gathering. No one was inside, mind you. Still no clouds to be seen. Ten minutes later a young man comes to tell us the storm had passed exactly south of where we were and that the "all clear" had been given to go back home. By now I've missed a good half hour of my show, and realize I have to stay up to watch the encore presentation of it at ten. So I'm a little cranky. Surely there has to be a better way with this tornado warning mess. Chicken Little could only cry "the sky is falling" so many times til no one listened, and I very much am falling into that same category with this stuff.
The little storm brought back cold temperatures, and I kid you not when I say it was just that day that I had put away winter clothing and gear to welcome in spring. Ha. Learned my little lesson.
It will be just the boys and I on Saturday so I scanned the internet looking for "things to do." We flew kites last weekend, so what did I discover for this Saturday? The Peter Cottontail Train Ride. Sounds fun, right? Twelve bucks a piece! For thirty-six dollars I am sure we can find something else to do that doesn't involve me corralling two little boys by myself for half an hour. I'm sure it would be a matter of minutes before that train ride turned into the highway to hell for me. There I go again, being a glass half empty-er. Who knows. Maybe we will try the ride. But an adult dressed in a rabbit costume may scare the pants of the kids, Santa didn't go over too well the first couple of tries- and he gives gifts!!

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame!

Ah, the joys of Spring. The birds chirping, the flowers blooming, the pollen, the rain, the bees. Oh dear Lord the bees! We have two massive bees (wood bees? Carpenter bees? something like that) which have adopted our little slice of heaven here at the campground. They stand post outside our camper and chase away all smaller flying insects...and humans! They stare you down as you walk outside, just hovering, daring you to come closer. I only wish I was kidding. The boys are terrified of them, screaming "Biggle-bee Mommy! Biggle-bees!" And then, laughing of course, I correct them with "Bumblebees." Though their way is much cuter- and much more fun to say! Titus is our "beekeeper," as he chases after them chomping. I'm guessing one of two things: 1) they do not have stingers or 2) they value their lives. I'm not sure, but both seem like pretty true possibilities. Or else we would have had a dog with a bump on his bum.
Springtime also brings shedding time, so all three animals are losing their fur at incredible rates, causing me to have to vacuum (on my hands and knees) almost daily. And what about the "change of seasons?!" Two weeks of window-opening weather does not a springtime make! Now as I sit and type the air conditioner is whirring, as it's too stinking hot to open the windows during the day. Thank heavens I was born during this century, because had it been any other era I would have surely needed to be royalty to survive!
True to trailer-royalty form I have clothes outside drying on hangers and racks. I do not fully trust the pay dryers- they either shrink or fade almost everything. So anything we value must be air dried. I wonder if there are rules saying we aren't supposed to be doing that?
I suppose that is all for today. That floor isn't going to vacuum itself- trust me, I've waited! Stay tuned....

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea...

As I sit here typing my beautiful feline friend Mazi is curled up next to me. I'd like to think it's because of his love for me, though I know it's because one of the boys is taking a nap in my bed (where the cat usually naps). But I'll take it. There are nasty dark clouds rolling in over the mountain to our west, and I am eagerly awaiting the "sky is falling" sirens that will inevitably play. And once again, I'm sure those sirens will be crying wolf- at least for this locale.
We have a new transient next door, just arrived today. It's a motor home circa 1981, fully equipped with hot pink and bright blue striping. Hot pink? That's a commitment to tacky-ville right there. I'd love to see my husband's face if I ever seriously suggested hot pink be anywhere in our life! There is also a trailer two rows back that is quite large, and it is a horse trailer! The back third has adequate traveling facilities for (looks like) four horses, and I am guessing that the front is a regular camper. But I've seen no horses, and I have been wrong before. Oh dear, thunder rumble number one! There's the whistling wind in accompaniment.
I'm potty training the three year old. He hasn't quite learned the difference between #1 and #2. He says "I gotta go peepee" and then sits on the toilet to be followed closely by "I gotta go poopoo" and stands up and turn around. If he's anything like his brother, there will be at least one point where I'm not around to catch that mixup but just in time for cleanup. The joys of motherhood?
Well I believe there are dishes serenading me from the sink. Not gonna wash themselves, believe me, I've waited!

Life is like a bath: the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get....

Ode to Washer and Dryer
Oh my dear washing machine, how I miss thee
You always got my clothes perfectly clean.
Each piece you would wash with care and ease,
Your settings I knew, oh what a breeze!
But now I don't know the temperatures, the pictures aren't right,
And now my whites come out less than white!
Dear dryer, I miss thee with desperation as well,
My jeans remain damp after the first drying spell!
These fraudulent stand-ins leave lint among the clothes,
The fading and shrinking is adding to our woes!
It's said you don't know what you've got til it's gone,
And now public facilities I use, it's just so wrong!
I promise when we are reunited once again
I shall ne'er take either of thee for granted, amen!

Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon....

Our three year old is officially scared of bugs. Any and all bugs, apparently. Screams like his head is being cut off regardless if it's a stink bug or wasp. He does not discriminate. Bugs be warned.
It is a beautiful, gorgeous, amazingly incredible day outside. I've basked in the beauty of it under the retractable awning. The dog got a bath. I feel bad for the guy. There is no temperature gauge on the outdoor faucet so he is forced to take icy cold baths. Here's hoping my theory about the summertime water temperature is incorrect!
We took a stroll around the very populated RV park this afternoon. As we walked we happened upon a strange sight- a homemade RV. It was a regular bike-size trailer put on an extended flatbed trailer with what can only be described as a domed porta-potty behind it. Honestly I have no other words to describe it. It was incredibly creative, though I would not want to use it during wintertime. Who wants to wander outdoors in the ice and snow to pee?
I've noticed that people in RV parks tend to keep to themselves, which I find odd. To be in a camper speaks of some sort of adventure, yet no one goes out of their way to be neighborly. Oh well, I guess when I reach retirement age I may not want to talk to people either. There are some very interesting neighbors camped near us. One RV, let's just say it's heyday was during the time of Carter (maybe Reagan), has a picture of a surveillance camera mounted to the front of the bumper and a dazzling Dodge Neon with fascinating fixtures and lights mounted to it's rear in tow. A surveillance camera, really? Wouldn't want anyone to break in and see the...you know what? I'm going to stop there.
We are grilling out tonight, so I prepared the chicken in individual foil wrappers and made potato salad and steamed asparagus. Apparently I wanted to see how many pots, pans, and utensils I could dirty for one meal. Mission accomplished: almost all of them! As I type there is no room on the "counter" as all the dishes are taking up the room to dry! Let it be noted that the husband has not washed nor put away a single dish since....well, years actually. But I guess that's what he has me for. However, it still amuses me when he has no idea where certain items are. Then again, I guess that's one of the best parts of marriage- the laughter!
My evil plot to turn my bedroom into a cave is almost complete. We have three windows in the bedroom, and as my eyes are incredibly sensitive to light I managed to put a car-window-sun-shield-thingy in the window over our head with very little resistance, but met some other resistance for the remaining two. After several sleepless nights in the beginning I convinced the spouse to place a dark towel over another window. Two days ago I placed a towel over the third (remaining) window and blamed it on the "three year old's nap time" needing darkness. Let's just say that the plot was uncovered and I won that battle- the cave stays put! Blissful, relaxing darkness reigns!
Well now there's a three year old yelling at me for apple juice. Stay tuned for another exciting episode of "Mommy I want apple juice!!!"